My Life as an Irken Rebel
by Vortianized
Summary: Part One Irken has been fixed, sorry about that.The life of a hideous Irken killer, who just wants a change of bodies (and species) and to decide which one is really her true love. Please review!
1. Prologue

Jil's mine and Jhonen owns the rest, thank you! *bows* This is a semi-sequel of my other story, but only in a POV of Jil, the mysterious guest from one of the last chapters of my first 'fic. I've rewritten this story also because it looks crummy after reading it again. Book-Clubbers: This is the story you didn't think I worte, but I DID! And this time it's not "which is which"!!--Long story, only the Book Clubbers and I would get it. So...enjoy! And review, por favor!  
  
~ Planet Irk, Official Beginning of Operation Impending Doom Day ~  
  
CRASH! BANG! ZAP! ZING! KABOOOM!!!! CRUSH!!!   
  
It would've been an exciting day today for many Irkens, thus today the new Almighty Tallests, Red and Purple, have just announced the start of the species' top secret project, Operation Impending Doom. This 'project' is a plan of conquest for the Irken Empire to invade all the other civilized planets in the Universe, conquer them and claim the defeated species of all those planets as their loyal slaves for generations and generations onward.   
  
They have been waiting for this glorious day to come for centuries now, and because of Tallest Miyuki's ingenious plans she made before her horrible death, That day that'll change history forever is well, today. Whoop-de-do.   
  
Crush! Zap!! Bang!! Eeek!!! Split!! Tear! Scream!! Die!! (Well aren't those just lovely sounds to wake up to in the morning?)  
  
Unfortunately, this isn't exactly that day where we all cheer and run around nude during football games.  
  
"MUHAHAHA!!!!!!", laughed a particular green alien of whom you all know and love to obsess over (and to think he won't matter to me in life until many years further would past).   
  
"You got that right, PUNY one!!! Bow down to the almighty-ness of ZIM!!!!!!!!!MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!  
  
This was the day that he almost destroyed Planet Irk, all because of his defective problems in his PAK. And that Battle Mech 4 was just standing there, not causing destruction for a little TOO long....  
  
"Look at me go!! I'm an Invader, WOOOO!!!! I'm destroying enemy planets, Yeah baby yeah!!!!"  
  
Typical males. Always love the sweet taste of giving others destruction of their homes, and not to mention a fucking headache that even Tyenol couldn't cure. Anyway, all the assigned Invaders for OID were just going to their ships when little not-ever-gpnna-be-any-taller Zimmy came around and stole that giganto piece of trash made by green claws to destroy the entire planet!!  
  
He always says it was so 'accidental'. PFFT!! Jerk. And Red and Purple were even stupider, by putting him OUTSIDE in the first place!!! Irk was doomed, citizens were running for their lives, building were destroyed, smeets-to-be were doomed and all our 'Almighty' leaders did was just sat there and watch a horrid time in history go by as if they were watching TV or something. Talk about making me get a steel brick to shove into their asses!! But that's just me. Hours later, though, the disaster wasn't over yet. Coming onto the point of this prologue of what tall apes called it, "fan-fiction".   
  
"Turn on those plasma death rays!! Hand me over those controls! Pull those levers and push those pretty buttons ALREADY!! I wanted only the BEST crew of solders with me to destroy this stinkn' place! HA HA!"  
  
"But Zim, this is our home planet, FOR GOD'S SAKE!!! Stop all this nonsense now or we'll call the Tallests to stop you!". This female Irken appeared to be a religious freak, but she was right trying to stop the dim-witted maniac.  
  
But he didn't seemed to care, aiming his lasers at the spot I was in long ago. The Irken Reproduction Department. "Hey, who says this 'God' guy we are going care all about all of the sudden? I don't even know who he is! And the Tallests ORDERED me to do this!! IT SHALL BE MY DUTY FROM NOW ON AND ON FOREVER!!!!!"  
  
Then he shoots the laser (full of nuclear chemicals and salsa) at that very damn building, and in seconds the top 4 floors of it went into a oblivion, and wrecked the main computers for those floors. Worse of all though (and saying this as a killer of the innocent) KILLED all the smeets, which is about 2,500 of them lying dead, never to experience life. How internal blood producing organ bursting! Over two thousands less soldiers on Irk (Oh, we'll see about that...*smiles*)  
  
So then the religious one whom I burned on a cross years later screams out, "Oh my heavenly god, you hell damned creature!! You just killed about 3,000 Irkens there!! Yeah, as if you are really a genius at anything! Like I'm going to trust you and believe that this was for the good of the Empire!! I'm out of this thing whether I lived through this day or not!" Wise choice, hee hee heeee....  
  
And basically everybody left the giant robot except for Zimmy Zim Zim, who stepped on all of his 'crew' with his big robot foot as soon as they climbed out (Don't worry. The Good Lord saved Carolyney for me to crucify later on :)).  
  
Zim looked around from side to side to see if anyone but the reporters who told me all of this stuff saw the incident. "Umm... *whistles* Didn't do it! No Irk-sir-ree, that's for sure!! The Tallest shall be proud of my other victories, though! (whistles a happier tune *"  
  
Filthy, stinking, no good fucking bastard... Well, after that day, the Tallests found Zim in a garbage can drunk, and banned him onto Foodcourtia. A relief for everybody, that's for sure.....YEAH RIGHT!!!^_^ And as for the Reproduction Department, the nurses and baby-sitters that worked there cleaned up the mess, and their super computer had to rebuilt all the floors 3 days after they were destroyed.   
  
Canister development tubes were replaced, the chemicals were gone, new smeets were being created in the new tubes and the workers found me. Yes, they found me, not exactly a wonderful beginning for me to be found-ed.   
  
But, for those of you who read carefully, what's that suppose to mean? That I'm the only Irken smeet on one of those floors that has survived Zim's lasers? Damn straight! And even more amazing was that I was the top floor! My tube was fine also, so the workers just left me alone, but still shocked that I was gonna be 'the one' or change Irken history fantastically or something like that. Because I have magical, chemical defense powers!!   
  
Woooooooooo Hoooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, I'm overexcited here, blame the drugs! Blame them!!  
  
~ The Day of my Birth, but also almost the Day of My Death ~  
  
My tube had a long, crack-ety crack-crack on the glass surface, but no one there seemed to notice or even detect that. It stood up, broke up in half on its own, and that cute little smeet girl we all love had fallen down to the first floor of the building, orange liquid and all. Yeah that's right, ORANGE! Like my favorite drink, orange soda! *drinks a whole bottle of it* A robot arm had inserted some wires and volts of electricity onto my back, and inserted my very own PAK in its place.  
  
"DA! DA! He he!" Aren't I disgustingly and idiotically cute???  
  
ZAAAAAAP!!!!!!! SHOCK!!!!!!!  
  
"AHHH!!!!!!! YOW!YOW!! OWEEEEEE!!!!!!!" This was the worst pain I've ever accounted with, which is also the first so far!  
  
The PAK, it strike back at me, and gave me electrical shockings that felt came from the almighty god of lightning himself. It was an agonizing, burning pain that burst into fires of hot metal and a substance similar of that to lava, tearing and ripping my green skin and roasting my spine and my whole Irken skeleton right to deep, dark black burns that have permanently scarred me for my immortal life. It felt like hell was deep inside me, and the one called Satan had captured my soul and whipped it painfully using his sharp, rusting long knives of internal damnation that I so never did not deserve that awful day.   
  
I cried and screamed for bloody Mary for help, but the only ones that surrounded me were computer and robots that were not programmed to feel or even cared at all. I ran, and ran as desperately as I could, to find someone to get rid of this tormenting hell pains, but it only lasted a couple of minutes, because I hit my head on the wall and fell to the floor, not able to get up. My head was bleeding badly, as I can see it flow over my eyeballs that won't blink, and my body refused to get up, but instead shake and shake like crazy, and started to vomit everywhere I could see.   
  
"I'm dying, I'm dying, I'm dying, I'm dying...." Was the only word of English I could hear and understand, with the whispers turning to yells and curses and the speed of the sayings went faster and faster and faster, but the only thing that could come out of my soul was a high pitched, vibrating, glass-braking scream and shatter that made my vocal cords stretch and rip themselves apart.   
  
I was in a different room now, as I realized, and sat on a chair feeling so much information growing in my brain. The pain was no longer here with me, but my PAK had turned ash black.  
  
" Irken Knowledge downloading, downloading, downloading....BEEP! Identify yourself." The Computer demanded in an emotionless tone.  
  
" Uh......ARRGH!! UGH! UGH!" I winced and tried my hardest to say a proper word.  
  
"Identify yourself, NOW!!"  
  
" Jjjj-jjjj-iiiii-----ehh...eeeeekkk.......AHHHHH!!!!!-----" ,screaming for more than mercy now, a shriek of only confusion , anger and a most agonziing feeling in my soul as it was seemed to be stretched out to much.  
  
"Okay, close enough. Malfunctioned retarded smeets. Next Irken smeet!!"  
  
The arms pushed me down through a chute, and I was down in some kind of nursery home.  
  
" Jjj-iiiii-jjjjj----iii---llllllllllllll.......Jil! Jil, Jil Jil! JIL! JIL! JIL! JIL! JIL! JIL! JIL! JIL! JI-OWEEEE!!!! Ouch! Ouch!"   
  
I have learned of my name. My identity, and the only thing that always be with me from today to the end.  
  
A helmet and a laptop had been thrown at me, and I examined both of these objects with much interest. Basically I chewed on them and drooled like an idiot.  
  
A tall, tough bulked Irken in a uniform of purple and red stodd in front of his new soldier. "Shape up, DIM WIT!! This is the official beginning of your military and defense training!! Now move it , MISSY!!  
  
Now this was ridiculous. Sure, I've just received all Irken Knowledge ever existed and got the most technological little pack of equipment, tools and gizmos, but I was only a little innocent one that just went through horrid pains in my body and was even gonna die!! I could at least get 3 or 4 years of relaxing and understanding the environment around me before I have to fight and kill a bunch of other aliens I don't know, and then sacrifice my life for reasons and causes unknown to me.   
  
" NO! NAH UH! NOPE!! Dying owies, many, many ...AND I WANT CURE AND REST NOW!!! Hmph!" I was learning faster now and had the power of rebellion on my side, but that didn't mean I was tough yet. I cried like a human baby for twenty minutes straight afterwards.  
  
"That's no way to act in front of me!" He placed the helmet back on my head tightly. "Now you get your bomb-shooting gun and prepare for WAR!! And download the laptop into your PAK, I don't know what it's doing here, but we don't accept computers during armada training!"  
  
" I no understaaaaaaand!! Me no wanna EVAWR join warmy!!"  
  
"We're going whether I care or not, you annoying, fucking bitchy wimp!!!"  
  
And so after TRYING to be reasonable with this guy using my only smeet-like abilities, he drags me away, and I hugged my laptop and watched as every other smeet I see gets to take naps while I have to shoot cannons and lasers with the bigger, stronger and tougher Irkens. The next day though, I thought about this whole 'army' thing and decided to go along with the crowd, and it might be a great advantage later in my life to get to save my home planet and my species form enemy aliens coming to terrorize our poor, weak selves.   
  
I always had a smile on me, yet a serious look when we were in battle ad kicking Plookesian butt. I had never failed to give the perfect, meaningful salute to our commanders, generals and even the Almighty Tallests themselves.  
  
"Oh look, it's little miss wimpy, TRAINING to become a big, toughie wuffie bully like us! HA! HA! HA!" One older soldier taunted.  
  
A friend of his joined in the amusement, "She's so pathetic! Hey, why don't you hang out with that stupid laptop you're always using as a little adorable teddy bear!!! BABY! BABY! SMEE-EET!!  
  
But after just spending only a year being a loyal Irken Solder, I got teased, beaten, and laughed at every single HELL minute !! It made me feel like a smeet again, and remembered those lucky ones who got to be fed and napped all the time.   
  
And so I shouted back, "You're wright! I'm just a big, weak baby!! WAAAAAHHH!!! Why don't I be in crib? Why me not comfy and happy? I've nevwa sleepy sleep in my yife!! WHY? WHY? WHY?!? WAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!"  
  
And, as if by instinct, they would all beat me up and steal my stuff. But they've done it so much now, I didn't care, and the only things I have left now is a long, red military shirt much, much too big for me that I'm wearing, and my most faithful and beloved friend, my laptop; which I named Scarlett, instead of the stupid, bulky blank name: 'Computer'. I learned how it works, the functions that came with it, but there were still more things I wanted to know about it, and even gave it a soul.   
  
~ That Night ~  
  
I looked up through my narrow and dusty window, and saw that a world was out there, not in the battle fields that I've adapted to, but a beautiful enlightened city filled with Irkens walking in the streets, and living. I even saw a group of smeets walking together under the eyes of a baby-sitter. I just had to be out there! No matter how good I was fighting at such a young age, I needed to be out there, where I can learn and understand my destiny in this Universe.  
  
I kicked those retarded security guards right in their crotches and ran away like hell, grasping Scarlet against my chest, to my home. The Real World. 


	2. Part One: Irken, Chapter One

"Jeez...... What a dump!"  
  
It truly was, Irk that is, and it still is one! HA! HA! That night I slept in a computer-generated cardboard box, but I couldn't sleep at all. I peaked through a hole in the box, seeing all around the streets I saw groups of homeless Irkens, crazy or drunk. Or both, but either way they creeped me out. I did not realize then that this night will change my life forever.  
  
"Huh...who are you? I'm scared, and I can't wrest!" I whimpered in my infant accent, as one hobo came in from a dark, threatening shadow. I expected one of them to notice them, but I did not know what things to expect me to do to get away from him.  
  
"Hey, foxy Irken chick! You're so young that I might be illegally abusing ya, but you would like to really dig it on with the master?"  
  
I was so panicky I didn't know what to do, but a blood-rushing, mad like feeling came though my veins, and new words came upon my vocabulary drive. My red eyes glistened as I saw in the hobo's fist, a 4" Swiss army knife, made from the sharpest metals around, and at its cutting end was a stripe of rusty, but smoothly sharp iron end that made the process of cutting up giant sheep fast, but cool and deadly to the eye.  
  
"You....bwitch! You're gonna go down with me here!!" I tried to threaten to him, so he would go away, but the confusion of a smeet swearing to him made him confused.  
  
"...Wha?"  
  
I grabbed the blade with one of my gloved arms tightly, sprang out of the box and did 2 flips in the air. But as I landed, my skeletal structure acted like rubber, and made to turned around the other way, facing the box. I slid back a little with my 2 feet and raised my arms up, holding the knife towards him.   
  
I took a couple of breaths, I felt like I was some kind of ninja from the movies. "Over here!!" He only turned around his head just a little, but already his knife flew straight towards him, and went right through both the guy's cheeks, and it landed on the ground with a trail of blood.  
  
"OW! Oh, my freaking god!! What did you do to me? Oh, god!! I'm bleeding!!"  
  
I slid down on the ground, and the bloody knife went stabbing through his head. But because of my weak arms, it took about 12 stabs to get to the spot I wanted to go. His skull! (I'm so evil, aren't I?)  
  
"Oh, goddamn it!! FUCK YOU!!!" I couldn't believe he had the capability to swear at this point, "What are you doing....UGH!!" He gargled a bit, coughing up gushes of Irken blood from his throat.  
  
"He's getting all drippy drip with blood! Bettar not trip or die on the ashes around the Rosie!! He, He, He!!" For my final act, I engraved on the skull a symbol that would always represent me and who I am and will be for the rest of my days. A devil's tail circling around a tall and thin gravestone, and just to be nice, I carved in RIP into the gravestone.   
  
I made my first murder in my entire life. Sure, I shot cannons that put millions on to their death beds, but the computer in the cannon itself killed them all, not me. All I did back then was drove it around and make sure it didn't get stolen. I killed this jackass all by myself, with my very own muscles inside my skinny arms. I actually did it, I did not know exactly how I did it so Matrix-like, but I had down it, one and a half year old Irken Jil had murdered an adult Irken! I was so proud, I smiled and tears ran over my eyes. But soon more and more tears were coming and I was from proudly happy to sadly ashamed of my horrific and graphic crime.   
  
"I'm a murderer! A murderer!! I'm guilty of all charges!! Oh, what have Jil done!? Huh? What have jil done!?" I sobbed, half of the time sounding like an adult, and the other time sounding like the age I should act. "I went all baddy-bad like and killed that scary guy!! And why am Jil happy now? Jil happy now? JIL NOT HAPPY NOW!!!"  
  
For the rest of the night, to hide my guilt, I slaughtered all 20 of the scary-looking ones on the street, and cleaned up every single evidence of murder commitment by morning. I wanted to lay down and close my eyes for just a moment, but my brain had told me from its Irken Body and Health section that Irkens are the only species in the Universe who can't, or even need, any form of sleep, which is one of the reasons why they are so successful at sneak attacks, one of the arts of war.   
  
I was still upset though, and didn't understand why I acted homicidal last night, and became so interested in weapons and techniques of homicide. It was like a new me had been formed, and it came out of me whenever I felt, scared, disrespected or even angry, and I would just pick anyone at random, and cut their squeedly-spooch open and pour all the stuff out of it down through its mouth, and tie its head down to its legs so he/she wouldn't move at all. But I wasn't at all depressed anymore by this odd behavior as years and years went by, just curious, willing to know why it all happens to me. What goes on in that mind that forces myself to do horrific things to innocent people, at such a young, misunderstanding age? 


	3. Chapter Two

~ 50 YEARS LATER ~  
  
Fifty years isn't a long time for Irkens, I'm more considered a teen by human years; but that thought went on in my mind still, the explanation of me killing Irkens, and even animals for me to eat. One bright spring day, I walked down the sidewalk of the street I used to live on, before I stole myself a home and a couple of possessions for myself to keep me sane.  
  
"Is it because my early smeet hood was focused on war? Do I still want to be comforted and pampered by someone special? Was it the electrical shock from my pack that made me go haywire? Is it for revenge? Am I even a homicidal maniac.....?" I paused for a moment, but me acting like a teenager now, I denied that last idea.  
  
.  
  
"...NAH! That's nit wit talk! If I were a homicidal maniac, I would be extremely tall, be all pale and gothic like, and wear really cool, long buckled boots for kicking some mean ass!! Oh, yeah!!" I did a professional karate kick in the air, to show that not only I had the gift of killing, but I learned myself self defense moves.  
  
But I still was so young, and again I acted older of my age, full of ideas and defense skills of a 200-year old. I was 4 ft tall, and still wore that huge red shirt, which was still too big, and I changed a lot on the outside.  
  
"Hey, look! It's her!! IT'S THE SLAUGHTERING RAT BEAST!! RUN!!!" An Irken child shouted, pointing at me obviously, and was also obviously teasing me again. His name was Chickler, older than me, but still shorter. He was the most popular kid in my neighborhood, and he had a group of 26 other Irken popular wannabes following him all the time, and laughing along at his jokes.   
  
Which was exactly what they did now. They laughed at me, pointed at me, and had even thrown mirrors at me. They had done this every single day ever since I moved here, on Jet street 9, and I didn't know why they would laugh at me so very often, I was always kind to them, and never even strike a dagger in front of their eyes, but they still treated me as if I disrespected them or something.   
  
And the mirrors were the most oddest thing about it. That popular gang would always do worser things to weaklings and wimps, but What's up with those fucking pieces of glass?! They would only do it to me only, and I never even bothered to look right at them, but instead break them apart and make knives out of them.  
  
"Loser! You ugly, hideous creature from the dungeons of doom!" His fellow Irkens supported him, and chanted repeatedly, "Dungeons of doom! Dungeons of doom! DUNGEONS OF DOOM!"  
  
"Why do you jerks always do this to me every single damn day!!" I said to myself, and then talked back directly at them, " I've never done anything to harm you Irks, and yet you're willing to break the spirit of me? And what's up with those fucking mirrors you keep throwing at me!?  
  
"I hope you all die from either black hole suck ups or melting in the sun's core, or get eaten by slaughtering rat people and hoguli!! And once you do, I hope your after life fate will be HELL!!! Or at least the land of ultra-cute hypnotic bunnies of doom!! HMPH!!!" I stomped away from them while they threw sticks at my PAK, and went back over to the abandoned hover truck that I called home chamber.   
  
I've been living there for 44 years without public notice, and managed to have electricity, security powered locks, and a food-delivery tube built to suck up any snack foods within 1100ft. diameter. But I would always get the same thing for my mouth; Burritos and McIrkuela Coke. The only main room in the mover's large size truck was the living room, of course, and in it had a kitchen corner, a crafting corner, a research corner, a normal entrance door and in the middle was big, wide open space that was carpeted with kiwi feathers and thick artificial rubber fur.   
  
This is where I trained to hunt, kill, and learn some major martial arts skills. I've learned all of my lessons from The Dummy's Online Guide To Kicking Hard Core Bottoms; Everything from kick boxing, wrestling, jumping really high, cracking bones, speaking utter Japanese nonsense, punching techniques, Matrix style attack forms, flying push over attacks using only the mind and even breaking heavy matter, all in just 2 min. 15 sec.  
  
"Oh, goody! A HAM sandwich!" I cheered when I came back home, "That's a new one, and hopefully there's more where that one came flying threw!" I ate the dirt, disgusting thing. But then again I never did ate the best food throughout my life. "Hey, Scarlet!"  
  
"Yes, masteress Jil?" The laptop-robot droned, as she'd usually do.   
  
"Download the latest satellite scans from House ID #99.34879, I want to print those blue prints of Chickler's home and infest it with fart gases while he's gone for military training!"  
  
Scarlet cracked up at my plan, "You don't stop with the whole vengeance and pranking activities, do you?" She buzzed a bit, downloading the requested information. The bad thing about this was after she was done scanning something, she would speak computer gibberish.   
  
"Scan download complete!! Additionally, you occupied a bequeathed text compounded virtually analytical engine manufactured memorandum 54k merit of amplitude, C: Documents /Sound Effect Files/highpitchbeep4.midi/playing time-4 seconds approx.   
  
"What the hell is that supposed to mean, you femputer?!"  
  
"You've got mail," She grudged, these things are always so irked about their master's limited vocabulary and grammar. "DA-LING!!!"  
  
"Mail?! What the fuck?" It was not typically of me to get any email, I was only known as 'the killer who got away with everything' in this city.  
  
  
  
"It's from that guy you dated last week, you know, Kris?"  
  
I barfed at the sound of that name. "Him?! I thought I was through with that jerk!! I've been going out with male Irkens every weekend just so I can find a soul mate that truly understands me, but every single freaking morning afterwards, he's dead on the floor with his intestines hanging over the ceiling like a set of chimes or something!! I've even tried being lesbian once!!! But Kris stunk the night so much that I didn't feel like killing him at all!! Open the mail file up, please!"  
  
Oh yeah, that's another thing about me. I keep thinking I'm the type who would fall in l-o-v-e in an instant with somebody, and go on over 2 million dates a year. I've been trying this out for over 22 years straight, and I haven't found anyone decent since   
  
"Should I read the text aloud?"  
  
Jil: Certainly! I wanna think about the way to annihilate that scum bag to death while his voice is at my mind."  
  
"Dear Jil, I found your email address at the net book under the green pages, so I thought I'll give you a message. I'll probably propose you to marriage chaining now, cause you were the one for me!! I would think about, and care about my little darling for all the hours, minutes and seconds that we are both apart and together, holding claw to claw. Heart.jpg, Kissingheart.jpg"  
  
I did not expect that much of a fraud. "... Ummm...How sweet of you?"  
  
"Except that you look like a total mutated rat-Vortian freak-a-zoid! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! No one's gonna go for you except for a blind mole!!! Haha!!!!! Did you drank a whole bunch of nuclear waste or something? I swear you look just like Crazy Ugly--"  
  
"Grrrrrrrrrrr....!!!!!"  
  
Scarlet continued, having a tad bit of fun at this, and altered her voice, "And you smell like cheese dip and you wear that overly large shirt!! Even if you are probably 10 ft. tall if you stood up straight for once, but that shirt still wouldn't fit! It's so smelly and dirty, don't you ever wear anything else? Even on dates? Dumb ass you are! And did I mention you look ugly on the inside and outside?"  
  
"Grrrrrr......!!!!"  
  
Scarlet stopped reading, knowing I was about to literally crush her into pieces, "No, wait, it's me!! Your faithful artificial intelligence system stored in a flat fold up box!!"  
  
"You Ass hole!!" I got so insanely mad that I kick the laptop right on the screen, and I stomped on it into molecule-cubic sized pieces. I destroyed my only companion, despite my anger. But I didn't realize that yet. To tell you the truth, I never saw any part of my body other than my arms and hands before then.   
  
I didn't believe in mirrors as a fashion-not saver, but as a weapon of pure sorrow, vengeance and destruction to the Irken body. Plus they made good scissors! I started to really think about that email, and wondered if I was truly the ugliest beast he'd ever met. I could just grab one of my mirrors and have a look, but I wanted to do some research and memory bank inspection before I can really see for myself what am I thought as to many Irkens in the city.   
  
I found Scarlet dead, and called immediately this really nice engineer from Vort who had put all the pieces back together in just 48 hours straight. "Thanks sir, and here's the money that I own you for the work!  
  
"Ummm...No thanks, I'll be going home now...to meet up with Lard Nar!" He walked outside, trying to get away from me, and started talking to him self, "Say, where did that guy go anyway....?"  
  
I offered him some Irken monies I had, but he ran back to one of his private ships and flew back to his home. I was glad Scarlett came back to life, but unfortunately, she came back with a lot less personality. I flet sorry for myself for causing the damage in the first place.  
  
"ere are some videos....from security cameras from the horrible incident on Planet Irk 3 days before you were fully processed, mas-terrrr!! They were in the Irken Reproduction Department Building #24."  
  
"You don't sound feminine at all, do you?"  
  
"Downloading, processing, programming, pooping...."  
  
"Pooping?" I sighed, stupid me, to make my friend say that! "Just give me all the news microchips there are and play all the tapes simultaneously."  
  
For 2 weeks, I learned about my past and what the dangerous chemicals had done to me. Here's the scientific thing about it: Zim's plasma rays only shot my tube for only 4.343455 seconds approximately, thus, it barley hit it so I was able to survive. But it got on the glass surface just enough so that it created the huge crack on the glass, and most of the freaky colored waste stuck to the 1/4 ceiling dripped and dropped right through the crack, and mixed with the development liquid and turned orange instantly.   
  
Normally on the last several days of Irken reproduction, my body would have created antibodies that were so strong and powerful, that it allowed me to live for so long and grow new body parts as they've been cut off. Only rare diseases and serious wounds weaken the Irken so badly that its life ends. I was on that very stage when the bad chemicals came, but because of them, my special immune system did not fully develop, and a rare and destroying parasital virus had struck on me.   
  
It took many years until it actually effected me, and when it did, one body part by one all get either torn or even ripped off of me, and no other replacement was to be grown. It also destroys the insides of me, and basically it's a very slow, painful death. I took that very mirror Chickler had thrown at my face, and examined the whole demented soul of me, who was not only doomed, but incurable.   
  
"...What happened to part of my eye? And the eyelash on it is missing! I felt my head and stroked the antennas, "My antennas are fine, but what the fuck happened to the corner of my head? All the skin and bone worn off and I can see my own brain!  
  
I pulled my arms, starring at them shockingly, "They're falling off!!! UGH!! I have a gigantic hump right on my pak!!" I saw the feet next, and shrieked, "I have Vortian feet! Kris's right! My back is deformed! If only I knew it was coming, I would've had a metal bar stuck to my spine!! Oh, my neck is ever so darn long...."  
  
To make things worse, my bottom jaw fell off my mouth, and dropped onto the floor with a 'Thump!'. I felt like a zombie fading away, turning into mold and dust.  
  
"OH MY FREAKING GOD!!!!!!" I screamed, if you were to translate my muffled voice.  
  
It was too late. The parasites were chewing down on me as it was, and as I have found out from a full body x-ray, the only thing left to save now was my brain. I saw an add from Vort for new body brain transplants for over 444,444,444 monies!! I could never be able to afford that! In just one month I've made myself a whole series of metal parts, wires and tubes to replace and hold up my whole body. I needed a new one fast, even if it wouldn't be until over full century later that I would be going to the burial planet where all my victims go, Planet Deadzone.  
  
I was dying, and for the first time in my life, I cried and cried and cried. I sobbed in tears that burned my cheeks apart, and as I was flooding my house with my sadness waters, I grabbed on to my hover board, inserted Scarlett in my PAK and flew out of the home I would be abandoning now and for the rest of my life. I flew up into space, and already Irkens and pilots looked out from their windows and laughed at my ugliness, or just pitied me and ignored me flying in front of them, feeling more upset and disappointed in myself now then ever before. Not only I had killed many innocent Irkens, and others beasts and creatures from beyond the stars that had come to challenge me, but now I'm murdering myself.   
  
I should've found this out sooner than now, and even back when I was a mere smeet, I knew something was wrong with me. I ached my eye muscles and my breathing organs from all the tears that have passed by, and I was guilty and felt stupid as hell. That is, if a place can have little or even any intelligence! My surviving brain had lead me to fly over to the ship I never would expect myself to go, even if I did respect my own species rights and ways.   
  
"Wha...what? Where am I?" I sniffed, yawned and groaned in aching pain. "I should just fall off my hover board now, and float in space until my body rots, like a banana would do in just 3 days."  
  
And that's exactly what I did. 


	4. Chapter Three

"Here I go...." I said, taking a deep breath, and jumped down! I started floating around, doing a couple of flips and stuff, abandoning the Universe itself.   
  
"WHOA! That was fun! It's like I tripped, but I missed the landing point accidentally! COOL! Now this is a lot more fun than I thought, I should do this on moons sometime----AHH!ARGH!!!!"  
  
Except that I landed on the right in the middle of the glass surface of the Massive's windshield, and got squashed like a fly on the truck. Heh, heh!  
  
Even Almighty Tallest Red himself turned around in the main deck to notice. "What the heck is this? Another desperate Irken got hit by our windshield? And even after the guards put the Irken-Bounce-Away gel on the windows, we still manage to fish out more and more!"  
  
I saw Almighty Tallest Purple coming in, he looked so girlie in that purple robe! "You're still having a fit over those stupid insects? Get over it Red, it's about time you think and shout more important thoughts, like..."  
  
"Smoke machines?!" said a random Purple fan.   
  
And then the fan's best buddy came along too, "Snacks to fill our mouths and taste buds with galore???  
  
"No!! Whoever you people are! Guards, take them!" Purple ordered two short guards in red, and they came attacking the helpless fools. Purple finished his sentence, and continued, "Like, like...KLEENEX!! We have serious issues, about the over-rated use of tissues!"  
  
I giggled insanely as I noticed the rhyme in that last sentence, I mean it's funny, IS IT NOT????  
  
Red didn't get it, but he did notice something more peculiar. "Why are you doing here, in the middle of our meeting?" He points over to me, coming in the room a little messed up looking, with my tall hover board around my right robot arm. Aren't I fast?  
  
"My tallest, I'm known at the cities of Irk as the planet's greatest murderer, but I also won the Galactical Academy Awards for Universe's Greatest Assassin. There is a difference, you know?"  
  
"And, you're ugly!" Purple mentioned.  
  
"At least I'm not very short, aren't I? From my extensively super-quick trip from the front of the Massive to this very room, I did some tricks and random experiences on my demented body, and I have discovered that I'm something that you're not! HA! And you two will be begging and bribing me to have me tell you what it is, wouldn't you?"  
  
"That's for chumps and losers, and because we are of royalty to the Empire---" Red said, another rhyme!  
  
"---We get to just force you to tell us or have your spleen blasted off! Purple said, then getting kicked by Red, though I don't know how he could kick with those robes on!  
  
"I don't have a spleen."  
  
"Damn it!" Cursed Red, no rhyme there...  
  
I looked around, we were clear of guards, or at least they were. "It's kind of a personal issue, can we discuss in private?"  
  
"We wouldn't, normally, but---GUARDS!! Loot her off!!" Red commanded, and the guards acted just like computers of the 18th century, with absolutely no emotion whatsoever and only obeyed their masters. They had robbed all the monies I've owned for the past 6 years, and some of the rare steals and gold right out of my mechanical functioning replacement parts.   
  
"Okay, I think that's all she's got, take her hover board to a ship and you will come with us!"  
  
I followed right behind them, I felt like an elderly Irken, crouching down like this, but I knew that the Tallests had been leaders even before I was developed. I had felt very suspicious about this, since I've known by heart that leaders of Irkens have always been evil, menacing, unfair and disrespected the short and ugly. Not to mention the poor. But mainly short Irkens. And ugly too. Wait, did I mentioned that already? Uh, sorry, got confused there. We are actually at.....  
  
~ TALLESTS' BED CHAMBERS, OUTDOOR BALCONY ~  
  
"It was pretty nice of you to take me over to see this beautiful view of burning asteroids, but is there something you want from me first? Anything ironic or something the stupid author can come up with at 12:30AM?" I asked, but I did expect not much of an answer from these two dorks.  
  
"Uhh.... Look, ugly queen of the bandanna plains, what is it that you want with us?!" Red demanded, he's so damn bossy!  
  
"Yeah!" Purple agreed, and asked "And what kind of name is 'Queen of the Bandanna Plains'?"  
  
"You see, because of Zim's ultimate chaos during Operation Impending Doom One, I was being born with a rare, parasital virus that is killing me limb by limb as we speak. Now I know new body transplants are really expensive, and my Tallests, you're the only ones who have all the monies to buy off 1500 body transplants!! Please, please, PLEASE!!! I'll bow down for mercy under your very black and stubby floating feet!! I will do so, I warn you!"  
  
I bowed down under their black, stubby floating feet, and to us Irkens it means that the beggar is willing to do anything to get his/her wish, but they have a dark secret behind them first. The leaders just stared at me strangely and hollowed and burst out loud laughs of pitiful-ness.  
  
"You came all the way to our ship just to ask us to save your life before you die?!?" Red said, flabbergasted but still tearful from his cackles.  
  
"HAHAHAHAHA!!! That's a good one, but pitiful thing to do, especially since you're such a freak of beyond nature's laws!! HAHAHAHA!!!!" Purple sneered right into my ugly face, I would've ripped his skin off if he hadn't been the ruler of my people.  
  
"But...but.. I served in your army when I was only 2 weeks old! I have the skills to slaughter all of your enemies quicker than the Armada!! I'll make sure every single living creature in this Universe and many other cringe and scream in the fear of our very presence!  
  
"Please, I'll die soon, and when I die, I bet there's gonna be no other assassin as professional and quick with the knives and guillotines as I!! " I begged, shouting pleas like a lunatic. "I'll do anything else you want me to do, and I'll be your permanent slave! Then I'll hire 10,000 more slaves to be yours, too!! I'm at death's door, here!! Don't you care? Don't you even care???"  
  
Red replied to my sobbing, but it didn't do much good to me. "We would have said more of our opinions on you, except that you kept yapping and yapping about your own mental problems!"  
  
"All you care for is for yourself! You selfish slave!"  
  
I stopped sobbing in an instant "Oh....I'm awfully sorry, but, do you still care about me either way?"  
  
Purple just simply stated, as if this wasn't the worst day of my life, "Nuh uh."   
  
"No. Just.... Just, no..."   
  
I felt as if I were in a real, demented hell, or in an insane asylum. "Does that mean you're lying, and you actually do care!?"   
  
"Care?" Purple doubted my idea, pitying me. "We never even liked you, dumb ass!!!"  
  
And they both started laughing me again, while I sob into tears and bang my iron fists on the floor. Thoughts came over to my mind at once:  
  
"Why don't I just cut their heads off now and hide the carcasses?"   
  
"Why am I such an idiot?"  
  
" Stop crying, STOP CRYING!!"   
  
"They might change their minds in the future, once I show them how skilled and useful I am for the Armada, and plus I can feel good about myself again for killing the enemy, not the innocent!"  
  
"Cut out the tears right now! NOW!!"   
  
"Don't make them see a fool on the floor that they have defeated, show them the determined and desperate me, defeating them in their plains!!"  
  
"Oh, forget it, they've got me, and now I'll probably be either a slave to them forever with no pay, or be kicked out of their society itself."  
  
"Why can't I just shut up?! HUH? HUH?! STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STIOP IT----"  
  
Something came over my head, just when I was about to scream for mercy, "Hey, wait a second,"  
  
Almighty Tallest Red heard me. "What now? We were about to leave for a cappuccino, you know?"  
  
"Any final requests before we throw you out?"  
  
I paused thinking the right thing to say, and give out the right amount of time of suspense for the two rulers. Tick, tock, tick, tock! Tick tock! Tick! Tock! Tick! TOCK! TICK!  
  
"I'm taller than the both of you," I said slowly, "and I can prove it. Just watch.... "  
  
As hard as I did before, I fully straightened my spine, which cracked several times during the process. Instead of being a four footer, I was now about six feet tall, but the Almighty Tallests were, after all, 7' 6".   
  
Red snickered. "HA! Nice try, but you're a foot and a half off!"  
  
"Man, didn't you see my legs before? I'm not finished just yet." With my two knees, I un-bended my legs, and stood up higher and higher up, until I had made perfect eye contact with those rectangular red and purple eyes.   
  
It felt pretty cool being this tall, and not only powerful and superior, but it also felt like you had to be real careful and gentle with everything around you, including yourself. Red and Purple were pretty much surprised that not only was I originally this tall, but I was now the same exact height as the two of them.   
  
Pffft! Imagine that? three Almighty Tallests?! Now, two would be a bit odd, but three just gets over the limit here! Besides, I'm not going to rule an Empire with 2 other co-tallests. My legs stretched a little higher, and my neck stood up in the air.  
  
"HA! HA! HA! I'm 6 inches taller than the both of you! You know that if you don't get the body I ever-so need soon, I'll run over to those control brains, and they'll have a look of their new leader! MUAHAHAHA!!!!"  
  
"Oh...darn! We've been defeated by your superior growth spurts! Now we never be tallests...uh...again!" Red yelled out, quite oddly though.  
  
Purple didn't get it at first, but then Red nudged him and winked twice. "Yeah, um, that's right! You win! I guess rules are rules, you know!! Boo! Hoo!"  
  
"Oh, why did this...THING had to happen? We are...sad. YES! Very.....sad."  
  
"Boo hoo?"  
  
I was confused as to what the idiots were doing, but then it struck me, "What? Oh no, not a ironic twist to this story! Noooo! I don't want that! I deserve to win!"  
  
Red kicked me right on my left ankle, and I had collapsed right to the ground, with serious back pains and muscles and bones feeling all knotted and tangled. "Too bad, you have a miserable life anyway!"  
  
"Guards," Purple yelled as I tried to get up. "take this monster away and put her on the timed-explosive bomb ship! And lock the destination to Planet Earth if she survives."  
  
The guards were standing there already, and grabbed the me with the hump on my back, Vortian legs and my neck sticking out horizontally once again. They dragged me to a garage, and locked me up in electric chains that formed a spider web on the tiny ship I was sent too. I saw the bomb safe and secured in the back pod of the ship, beeping insanely. One of the guards shocked me with his shocker stick, and I was in aching and tormenting agony.   
  
They closed the doors and the ship started itself, and flew right out of the garage and into the space I was just floating in before, and it flew in front of the balcony where the tallests stood again. Only this time they were laughing at me, and had some kind of computer chip in their claws.  
  
"Hey, loser!" Purple sneered, "We forgot to give you something!" One of the windows opened up, but I couldn't see it because it was behind my PAK.  
  
"Just to keep this our little secret," Red said, patting my back uncomfortably, "if you ever survive through this trip with the bomb going off, and having no food to live on, here's a disguise chip that'll permanently cover up your true ugliness self!"  
  
He threw the chip inside the ship, and sucked itself inside my PAK, hidden inside the blackened metal.  
  
"Hope ya die!" Purple waved goodbye, but I did not want it to be the end just yet.  
  
"Sayonara, ugly queen of the bandanna plains!" Red used that stupid title on me again.  
  
"What kind of good bye is that?"  
  
The ship took me away, never for me to have the chance of getting back at them again, or even living a normal life. Through the stars, past the different galaxies and planets, I waved good bye to them all. In 2 weeks, I lost six pounds, and I was starving. I looked for something to eat on that crammed ship, but found nothing worth digesting and then having bowel problems with.   
  
It was a very slow trip. For months and months and months, I was so bored to death, that I broke out of those chains instantly, and made myself a microwave, lamp and an electric blanket. Everyday, I would look out from the windows to see where I've past by now, and that darn piece of junk couldn't move any faster!! It only moved about 50 mph, like an old-fashioned voot cruiser or something!   
  
I would daydream, week by week, what the next stupid parts of this story would take me to, and wondered what will Earth be like. I've never heard of such a place, but hey, I never even got to learn all the planets that were even in my own home galaxy! Six months I've counted now, and I wake up one morning by the sound of a crash! I looked to see that my ship had just run over some kind of satellite that I would see normally in history books. And finally, after precisely 182 days and nights being stranded in this ship losing 40 lb. , and eating only the control buttons and all the cushions, I've made it to this place called Earth.   
  
KABOOM! BANG!! CRASH!! BEEP! BEEP! BEEEEEEP!!!!!!!   
  
"AHHHHH! The bomb, I completely forgot about it! And this cheeseburger I found sitting right next to me! Whooooooooooaaaaaaaahhhh!!!! EEEEK!"  
  
The ship was spinning and turning like crazy, and it was on fire, crashing on to the Earth! I got pretty darn dizzy from all of this, and not only that, but the bomb was about to go off! "And just when I was making a living here, I'm about to die and my stomach's growling!"  
  
I had three choices to survive this crash: A. Get out of the ship and escape on my hover board (that I should've done before! Stupid!) B. Deactivate the cheeseburger or C. Eat the bomb.  
  
I gulped, "Ahhh... Oh, what did you say there? I was chewing on the bomb here...Mmmmmm! Minty!"  
  
I'm such an IDIOT!! I swallowed the beeping box whole, but it still was about to go off, right inside my organs. I was scared. There's nothing else to do now, either way I would explode, and I would land on the planet as a dead, Irken carcass. Spinning, spinning, spinning....twisting, turning, flipping over.....It was in the atmosphere now, and in all the blurry-ness I saw shades of blue and white.   
  
It was getting hotter and hotter, and the fire jumped right behind me and started to destroy the ship bit by bit. Smoke came in, any I could hardly breathe, all I could do was grab on to my hover board with Scarlet kept safely in my PAK, and saw all of its darkness, and empty-ness.  
  
I closed my eyes, and soon woke up, as a completely different being. 


	5. Part Two: Human, Chapter One

"I closed my eyes, and soon woke up, as a completely different being. A human being."  
  
This was the first thing that came out of my mouth since as I said before, closed my eyes because I was about to crash the ship and die a horrid death because I was stupid enough to eat the bomb! What dumb ass eats a bomb?!?  
  
I looked all around me, and I was no longer in my ship. I was lying down on a surgeons' table, in some kind of Irken lab. But I knew this was no scientists' laboratory. We Irkens hate the subject, so we pay Vortians to do their calculations and use their incredible scientific-knowledge-filled thick brains.  
  
"I...can talk! I can talk, woo!!! I can talk, yipeeee!!! I'm so skilled, baby!"  
  
Two figures came into the room, both of them being shorter than my full and regular heights. They starred at me, baffled.   
  
"Uhh....I mean, I can talk normally for once! Because I usually have tubes and chains moving around when I move my mouth, you know? Heh, heh! Ugh..."  
  
"Yes, yes that should be a very interesting experience for you," The taller one said, "but who cares? me, that's not who!! I know that you were Irken the instant I found your hideous self in that cold place known   
  
as---"   
  
He took a moment to look at a map. "Ah, yes! Wit-zer-laan? Sit-zar-la? Set-zer-nalw? Any ways, I had detected your crashed ship when I was navigating countries on my computer at complete randomness!!!"  
  
The shorter, cuter one stepped up onto the table, starring at me, "Where's her head!? I see no head, no burritos for piggy!!!"  
  
"I lost my head?!?!" I shouted, "What am I talking with?!? Where's my vulnerable brain!??! Ahhh!!! My head, my head! My head's gone missing, but how the fuck can I see, hear, think and talk without a head?!? I'm going crazy!!"  
  
I ran around the lab, knocked over some glass jars and got stuck in a small elevator. The elevator went so fast up though that I got shot out of a poopy-chair and crashed down several tiles of the ceiling. I found myself in what appears to be a living room, where Irkens who live in apartments get to sit, eat and watch TV all day. I always wanted one, it seem the most relaxing and entertaining place in the Universe.   
  
The two figures climb out of the poopy-chair, one is very short Irken. I've seen this guy before, I thought, I have seen this little Irken for years. Stupidly I don't know where, but I have a feeling this being will be an important representation of my life in all sorts of feelings. I didn't realize then how right I was, and there were a lot more things to come.  
  
~ WEEKS LATER, LIVING ROOM ~  
  
I got to know these guys pretty well as time moved itself on, and do realize now that I still have my head, and the stupid (but cute) robot name GIR was just saying his own words of "wisdom". GIR's master was Zim, or 'Invader Zim', or 'Superior Earth ruler Zim' or 'Amazing Zim' or 'Zim-rocks-my-world' or 'Zim= better than anyone else', as he would sometimes offered to be called. As soon as I heard his name, I grabbed out my butcher knife, and was about the stab the little bastard who ruined my life, but with a pinch of the neck, I was unconscious for the next several weeks.  
  
"What....Zim! it's you again!! I swear, I'm gonna make you scream as I, I....."  
  
"Hey, you're awake!!" My enemy said, "I was wondering when that stuff will wear off. Since I, apparently, 'rescued' you from your bomb-eating death, I would like you to be part of my henchmen collection."  
  
I refused to get into his 'evil doing'. "You...you...I know exactly what you did 50 years ago!! You ruined Operation Impending Doom One, and mutated me with your zap rays! Zzzzzap! Zap! Zap!"  
  
"What? Revenge is what you want from the almighty ZIM? Ho, ho! You're so dumb, I mean, your hideous disguise made it so obvious that you were an Irken Invader, come to be trained by me!! The Tallests were wise to make this choice,"  
  
"Invader? I'm no invader! And how dare you insult my looks! You made me into a horrible, mutated freak! You made me have this destructive virus! YOU is the one I'll shall kill with much appreciation! And YOU stole my cheeseburger!!"  
  
"Not an invader?!? Than who are you, and why have you've come upon my planet!??! Mine! Miiine!!!"  
  
The moron starts to hug a globe of the Earth, but I kick it off his gloved arms like a soccer ball.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"I'm Jil, and I've been banned from all Irken property and the whole Irken population, and my ship was locked to flying onto this ball of trash! And I'm going to kill you, AIIIIIIIEEEEEEYAAAAH!!!!!"  
  
I attack him with the butcher knife, but right before I had the chance to get my vengeance for once and for all, that robot of his took my knife away and chewed on it, drooling insanely.  
  
"He, he.....knife good! I'm gonna get drunk now!!" GIR took out a soda can and drank heavenly out of that.  
  
"ARRGH!!! I can't believe it, me, the Universe's Best Assassin, is stopped from killing--"  
  
"Me, the Universe's Most Loved and Powerful Irken ever!"  
  
  
  
"--by this...this...android with lint and rubber balls for brains!!  
  
"Don't forget my lucky coin!! It makes me do the moon walk!!"  
  
Of course I didn't know that the moon walk was a very popular jig in the 80's that was created by this 'Lord Of Pop Music And Children Devouring' Michael Jackson. That guy's face is more deformed now than mine ever will be. Ha, ha!  
  
"Wait...you're an assassin?" Zim got up, interested in this well-known fact.  
  
"I sure am! I even got a degree in slaughtering hobos the legal way! You've been looking for one?"  
  
"During my amazing-yet strangely long mission here on Earth, I've met a series of killers from different planets and fans who are just there to get my autograph....But you seem like a ugly figure who can kill without pay! You're hired!"  
  
"Yay! My first pay-less job! But can you cut the ugliness thing out already? I'm pretty freaking looking, but not so horribly created that you have to brag about it!!"  
  
"But you are ugly!!! Well, at least your disguise is. I got a transmission from the Tallests saying that the disguise has been activated on you permanently!!"  
  
"Permanently? Oh, yeah....that stupid chip that's stuck onto my PAK! I have a disguise? Like a human disguise?" How did I know the race on Earth were humans? I didn't even know what galaxy I was in! Must've had magical powers back then.  
  
"Yeah, sure, here's your mirror! And hurry up 'cause we've got some revenge murder plans to create! Meet me in the lab!"  
  
Zim handed me a life-sized mirror, and flushed himself down the toilet with his companion GIR splashing the toilet water.  
  
"Wait! Which lab? There's too many!"  
  
SPALSH! SPLASH! FLUSH!  
  
"Wheeehooo! I'm going down the cookie shack!"   
  
"Great. They left. I guess it's time to reveal my new outer self...".  
  
I looked through the reflecting glass, and was pretty damn surprised to see how freaky humans look. They've got so many pointless, extra stuff on themselves!! They can go around naked without feeling they should be censored by black blocks!  
  
"God, I'm short." 


	6. Chapter 2

I stood at about the same height as Zim, except maybe a couple inches taller. My skin was a pale, sand-like color, and my head was rectangular. On each side of my face, I had four dots that formed a perfect square when connected (freckles), and my eyes were horizontal and oval. The pupils on them were bright blue squares, and had little hairs on my eyelid to make me more girlish. And I had a lot of hair on my head, but each side had ends that curled sharply, that kind of look liked horns, and the color was a flaming orange (even though most call it red).   
  
I had on a blue tee-shirt with sleeves that were very wide and long, and this shirt actually fits! My black PAK stood out form my back, which was no longer humped, with the white version of my ever famous symbol painted on the side. My legs were normal, and I didn't wear tall, black combat boots. Not my style. I had instead shoes that blended in with my dark green pants. I was finally something I wanted to be. A normal, different species.  
  
It was the first day of school, the building that Master Zim (what I have to call him now) had told me was filthy, and full of stinky human child beasts. It sounded kind of scary to me at first, but Scarlet said that I can just kill them off. She knows more obvious things about me than my vulnerable brain will be able to process.  
  
"GIR! Guard the base, and don't explode anything this time! I want this school year to be a lot more informative and non-chaotic than the last one. With Jil around to defend me and chop up the skins and meat-organs into hamburgers, my mission will not fail me! Jil, get your weapons quickly and meet me at the school!"  
  
I was up in the attic, like any typical depressed child on the first day of hell, lying on the bed. I wasn't sleeping in, or even closing my eyes. I had the equipment already tucked inside my PAK weeks ago, I was very excited for this day. What would school be like? Do I get meet other kids that look like me? Who are these 'teachers' that I'd have to mix in my new Blender-Rific 5000?  
  
But most importantly, what was my mission? Master Zim hasn't told me a word of it yet, but I guarantee I have to go and commit murder to someone very special. But who? Whatever it is, I'll probably despise it and willing to send him to hell as Master Zim is. He's always pissed off about this thing. But I've never hear a name, nor description of exactly what it is. I only hear,   
  
"GRUNT! GRUNT! AHHHHH! RAW! RAAAAAW!".  
  
"Time for me to go, Scarlet, check my stuff? Missing anything?" I asked her, raising my arms up, making a 'come' motion with two fingers on each hand, and the laptop jumps out of the 3 departments in the PAK in three folded pieces. It puts itself together and appears in front of me, lightened up and metal arms attached to its sides.  
  
"I've already checked the compartments thirty times!!! How important is this to you?!"  
  
"I dunno....I just feel like this day going to change the way I look at things or something. Maybe this will be the day I'll be able to smile all the time without blood stains on my shirt. I'm watching too many oxyclean commercials, aren't I?"  
  
I walked to school with Scarlet back in my PAK, and saw Master Zim hiding in the dark shadows of the stairs that lead to this hell hole. I walked into it and I notice kids who are staring at me, but they don't notice that they were doing so.   
  
"AH! You've finally arrived! Now, down to business. You have to go to room number #207, the food in the cafeteria is highly dangerous for health, always smile and look innocent, your teacher is Mr.--"  
  
"Get to the point. What the freakn' hell damn god blazes fire balls and red pills is my bullshit mission? I must know!!" I was such an impatient one back then.  
  
"You don't know? I could've sworn I ordered GIR to tell you weeks ago..."  
  
"He ate my chicken sandwich and vomited it into the freezer to see it melt! To see it melt!"  
  
Zim seemed pretty used to GIR's insane actions. "It's very Simple: Kill this child." He gave me a FBI-like file, and inside were packets of notes and a small picture of a little girl. She looked really pale, though. And wore mostly black.  
  
"And do it soon! This is the only reason I kept you alive!"  
  
"AWWW! She's so cute! And cuddly!"   
  
"She? What?! No, that's no girl! That's a boy! A very stupid one indeed! Do in him and bring the remain-ings to me as soon as you've done it! And remember, do it sooooooooon!!! I don't have to wait 5 years to get my arch nemesis killed by the Universe's 2nd Best Killer!"  
  
"2nd Best?"  
  
"Somebody's gonna be number one, and that's me! because I can achieve at anything!"  
  
"You've never hand-killed a single soul! You just touch things and they die for you!"  
  
A noise of a human subway train sounded off all around the building and in the playground.  
  
"Time for school to begin?"  
  
"They're bringing out the guillotine, jackass."  
  
Then a loud toilet flush went off.  
  
"There's the bell!"  
  
~ ROOM #207 ~  
  
I sat in the very back in the classroom, right next to a seat that was guarded up my tall, steel doors and walls, plus German shepherds growled at me as the 'I'm In' light blinks off. Whoever sits there must be a real loner. Either that or a some kind of caged animal.  
  
"Hello," greeted Mr. Elliot, the teacher, "my wonderful class again to another, funirific school year!"  
  
"What does this 'funirific' mean? Sounds some kind of poultry lawyer." I asked myself, and still to this day I don't know the definition!  
  
"I was so happy to hear that since the school budget is dangerously low, we teachers get to teach the same class every year! Isn't that just awesome?!"   
  
The kids mumbled to their friends, and uttered, "Ehhh......"  
  
"Okay, then! It's time for show and tell! Who will be the lucky one to go first? He looked at each of the students, waiting for a perfect victim, "Ah! A new student! We'll start with you!"  
  
"Me?" New Kid said.  
  
"No, you stupid no-name bitch! You, the one with the red hair!"  
  
I came up to the front of the rows of desks full of bored kids. I got confused as to what was I supposed to do. But it ended up being just a dorky game where you come up and talk about sandwiches that you find in your underpants.   
  
"Okay, Jil, you should know what to do! You have to at least something to show off!"  
  
"Uhh....OH!" I took out of my PAK one of my favorite toys, "I bought this really cool dagger that senses unknown enemies by the smell of their blood! Watch!"  
  
There was no such a dagger, numskull! I actually took out a mini-sword (not even close to a dagger) and stabbed a random girl who sat in the front. She didn't seem to feel the pain, though. She kept looking into space for some reason...  
  
"Ummm...." the teacher gulped, frightened of my skill, "Very unique! Gaz, would you like to go up next?"  
  
Gaz growled from her cage, "Grrrrrr!" and even shook the thing a bit. "Impressive!" I mumbled, back on to my desk and leaning upon the chair idly.  
  
"Come on! Just this once! You won't to come out for the rest of the year, I promise."  
  
"Grrrrr!!!!"  
  
Mr. Elliot sighed, "I'll give you the 50 dollars back."  
  
The doors opened, and the one next to me stood the same height as me, wore a black dress and had a pale face with black squinted-like eyes. I wouldn't even guess how she can see through with her eyes like that, and then sometimes change into normal eyeballs. Very strange indeed.  
  
"AUGGGH!" Gaz grudged, holding up a famliy portrait, "This is a picture of my family, with me, dad, and that stupid brother, Dib! See! He's the one looking all Agent-Smith like, he's always craa-zzy!"  
  
I stood up on my desk, and leaned forward to get a closer look. It was him! Dib was the one I was supposed to kill for Master Zim! The one I've always been so questionable and curious about. And she is his sister!! Dib must've been the only to know that Zim was an alien, and tried to prove to Earth that that was true! No wonder that file was so large and heavy. But there was something about his face that made me my eyes pop open, and fall into a trance of happiness and mystery...  
  
~ RECESS ~  
  
"So...kill him already!" Zim found me at the playground, and told me the plan, "He's right over there, sitting on the fence!"  
  
I wasn't quite sure if I could kill him now, it was just something about the look of his huge face which made me wonder about him more. "Ummmm...before I kill him, can I get to know him first? He might be suspecting that I'm a Irken working for you, and he might catch me before I can get him. You know, for the mission's sake?" I lied, a very clever lie, indeed.  
  
Zim got annoyed, about to throw me over to the fence, but because of my special skills, he probably didn't want me gone just yet, "Fine! As long it's worth the wait!"  
  
I didn't want to know that I have fallen in love with this guy, because he if did, he'll probably abandoned me off the planet, or do horrible things to my brain. I walked up to Dib, and he turned around to see me, starring at him. I was hoping Zim wasn't watching.   
  
"Hi! My names Jil, and I came from....uh, Switzerland! Yep, good old Switzerland! Your Dib, right?"  
  
Dib quickly presented himself and all of his ideas to me, this stranger of his. "You think I'm a little weird, do you? You know, with all the alien probes and invasions? Because I'm right! And I'm gonna prove everyone on this Earth wrong!! Once I save them from the most superior alien empire in the Universe, they'll cheer on for me, and might even give me a Nobel peace prize or something! And then I'll ride a moose!!"  
  
His crazy personality and obsession with the paranormal made me gaze at him more, as if he were an angel from the heavens or something.  
  
"I believe you," I said honestly, for I knew this babble he was speaking of is real, "and I bet you're gonna kick those alien asses!!"  
  
"Wait a minute," Dib paused, already suspecting something on me, when I loved him the more! "Are you some kind of killer or invader or something?"  
  
"Yeah...." I shouldn't of said that, damn!  
  
I was afraid he had heard about me already, but it wasn't the fact that he was excited to meet another alien, he was disappointed. Maybe even angry at me. "Oh, great! Just great! You're one of those Irkens, aren't you?!"  
  
"No I'm not! I'm just an orphan girl.....uh...whose been surviving all these years on my own by hunting for squirrels!! Yeah, that's right, squirrels! I'm no Irken! Sure, I've seen all kinds of alien invasions on this planet, but I'm not one of them!!"  
  
"You're lying! You liar! Every new kid I've met for the past year have either been Irkens, humans with magical powers, assassins, or other creatures that come here to either get vengeance on Zim or start to date me!!"  
  
I didn't know that all of this would come out of his mouth, I felt sad, but he only got the more irked by my presence. "I'm only 12 and I had over 5 million dates with monsters and gothic girls, and they've all gone wrong!! I'm sick of this madness! I'm no lover!!! I'm just a boy who wants to bring Zim over to the autopsy table!! ARGGHH!!! And now, I met new kid number 5 million and one! AND ONE!!!!"  
  
Great, five minutes with the kid I've fallen deeply in love with, and he gets mad at me! I was determined Dib will change my life from a rotting apple to a beautiful fresh Macintosh, and I'm not leaving him!!!   
  
"Dib," Hopefully talking to him about it would work, and I sat next to him up on the fence. "to tell you the truth, I live with this Zim guy, but I'm totally against his species. I like-like you, Dib, and I'll always be right on your side! I'm a professional assassin, and I guarantee this relationship won't screw up. I promise you..."  
  
I gave him a warm hug, though he still mad at me. Once he gets to know me, he'll fall under the trance I'm living in now, and being together forever will bring true happiness to both our souls. And whoever those 5 million girlfriends are, I'm gonna rip their organs out, MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!  
  
"See ya later, Dib...." And then the relationship started, just like that. Without Master Zim knowing, of course. 


	7. Chapter 3

I walked off, and looked back to see that Dib's cheeks became red, and mine reacted the same way. I walked home with Zim, I didn't pay attention to all the yelling and rules of the mission, as I was daydreaming about Dib and me, holding hands and danced into glorious stars and comets in space.  
  
"So, now do you understand what I'm saying?"  
  
"What? ....Oh, yes, yes I do! I'll slice Dib into a trillion pieces! Yeah....heh...heh...".  
  
"Good. Now get in the house, and don't bug me in the lab! I need peace and quiet!!"  
  
He slammed the door at me, and goes down to his lair with a can of Irkcola in his clawed hands. I just went up to the attic again and talked with Scarlett.  
  
"Scarlett, look up any and even all information about Dib. I want every word of him stuck to my brain,"  
  
Before I got to finish, the computer shouted, "Somebody's got a crush!! Should I activate my virgin alarm?"  
  
"It ain't no crush," I argued, though now that I think of it, it might as well been a crush. "this boy is the wonders of my life! His heroism, the same way he's against everyone like me, his black, slick scythe hairdo, that stylish trench coat and boots willing to kick serious ass......" I sighed at those words.  
  
I was in love in Dib so madly that I even kept cameras around his house to watch his every move. I hung all the pictures of him on the walls of the attic, and carved 'XOXOXOX Dib' on the skulls of random people I see walking on the street. But as I got to know planet Earth and Dib even more throughout the months, my passion to held a knife against his smooth neck had lesson and lesson, and I hated his species even more and more! They were so darn stupid! It even made my real Irken self look like an angel compared to such wild ape-like beasts. And when they're rude and mean to people, they can really put you down to the ground and die.   
  
They were exactly like those rampant green ants I hate to be a part of, except at least Irkens had more mind and strategy to these things. And when they made fun of Dib, I'll usually go and rib off their vocal cords with a sword, and make a violin out of it to play for Dib. I've tried all I can to impress this guy, but he's still suspicious about me being Irken, and he still considers me as a best friend, but 'Caution: Highly Dangerous When Mad'.  
  
So one night, after weeks of trying to get the boy to love me back, using all my romantic (but graphic) charm, I had an interesting plan...   
  
"Scarlett, check the whole house for Master Zim, and make sure he doesn't know that I'm going out! I'm gonna make this night the most important of my life...And his!" I sighed, drooping down from the bed to the floor.   
  
"He's down in the living room! You gonna have to make this quick!"  
  
"Don't worry, I'll distract him some way or another!"  
  
I went downstairs to the very deep, dark pits of Zim's lair, which I was forbidden to enter. Which I went in every week to find the chocolate bars GIR's been hiding to give to Dib. But Zim's such an idiot, he hasn't even noticed a single piece of evidence between me and Dib, and now he has completely forgotten why I'm living with him in the first place. I typed some random codes and numbers onto a massive keyboard, and right on the screen were the Irkens I absolutely despised the most, and made me hate Irkens to death in the first place. Red and Purple.  
  
"You again?!? I thought you died!" Said Red, but somehow his voice told me he knew this was coming.  
  
"From what? That weak bomb you put in the ship?"  
  
"No, from going crazy living with that defective Zim, HA HA HA!!!" Of course this came from Purple, a taunting sneering one he is.  
  
"Two years, and he still doesn't know his mission is total fake!! HAHAHAHAHA! What an idiot!!"   
  
I hope he dies from his own stupidity, HAHAHAHAHA!!!! And the same goes for you! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"  
  
"What do you want anyway, you ugly freak of nature?!" Red has the most lamest names for me, pfft.  
  
I shrugged, as if they had any right to make fun of master, no matter how stupid! "Zim has a new project idea that he thinks will interest you both. He says it's so awesome, that this time you won't cut the transmission before he's halfway done! Trust me, every word he speaks of is worth listening too."  
  
I slid my hand to a lever and pulled in downward, in a very sneaky way. The lever allowed the transmission to go on a certain amount of time (10 hours), and disabled any ability to cut or to have a single being move way from their screen before time is up. Very impressive invention, delivered to me secretly by that Vortian whom I asked to fix Scarlett. This time he actually took the money and tips.   
  
"Really? Are you sure?" Purple asked, "This sounds like a scheming!"  
  
"No trick, just incredible random ideas are now here for you two to listen and understand. I'll go get him!"  
  
I called Zim using a device in my PAK, and he flew down there with a huge smile on his face in less than 10 seconds. Then he started to babble and babble on and on, and I sneaked out of the house before anyone had bother to notice. It was a cool night, but warm breezes came up to me, so it wasn't like I needed a coat. As far as I knew Dib was outside tonight, thinking and walking around the pool on Heart Ave., thinking, and looking up to see all the pretty planets, comets and stars that made the most beautiful and largest painting in the Universe: The Night Sky.   
  
It didn't take me long to find him, and it didn't take him long to smile, and let us walk around the city pool, side by side. The pool was surprisingly clean, it was crystal blue water, no chemicals to ruin it, just regular water that did not have the dirt or germs of a single soul. The small waves it made reflected to the sky, making the painting now shine and glow. It was quiet too, but it wasn't a creepy quiet, or a lonely quiet, or a cricket chirping, people coughing quiet, or a annoying moment of silence.   
  
It was peaceful, lovely, and very soothing and comforting for the both of us. None of the street lights or house lights were on, which made it hard to see, but the painting seemed to help us find our paths. One night a single being can only have once but never remember or see it ever again, because once is enough. And this was the perfect time for it to show in my life, along with my love's.  
  
Dib began the conversation, "So...lovely night. Strangely..."  
  
"The sky has formed a astounding painting tonight...." Now I don't normally talk in metaphors or in poetic form, but it's a good way to get a guy, you know?!  
  
"......" Dib hesitated, not knowing the perfect thing to say, which in this case, was silence.  
  
I was silent, too.  
  
He formed a grin at first, but a minute went by, and I saw all his teeth in that wide smile of his.  
  
I smiled, too.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
He had sighed and sat right by the pool, with his boots splashing the water. I sat right by him, and gave a pat on his back.  
  
"I still think you're an Irken, Jil. The killing and working for Zim and all? I just don't want to be with a different species that is a true enemy to me." Damn, he made it worse, but what could I do? He made a good argument with that one.  
  
"Well," I tried to say some Shakespeare quotes, but I couldn't get a word from hum, so I tried the truth. "I love you and you love me...So how can I prove myself innocent? You want us be together forever, right?"  
  
"Yeah, I do...but I just can't trust you, if only you could, just maybe.....yeah! That's it!"  
  
"What's it?"  
  
He stood on the on the side of the pool, and looked around to see if anyone was around. I stood up and looked, too. Even though I had no idea what he'll do. I thought it would be something romantic and sweet, 'You are the one because you're so special to my soul' or something like that.  
  
"Well, an important fact I know about Irkens is that other than defeat, their greatest fear is water! Just by one drop of H2O, and their skin burns right off. Disguise or not." I guess he always prefers scientific proof over spirituality.  
  
"That's how I'm gonna prove it to you? I still don't get it-"  
  
"Gonna push you over!"  
  
"Whoa! AHHHH!!!" He pushed me right into the water, and I fallen down, down ,down to the bottom of the pool (which was about 15 feet), and laid down on the bottom. I had my eyes wide open and my mouth dropped down, looking around at the waviness of being underwater, but I did not suffer great pain. I had the great powers of the gods and the lights of heaven and end of tunnels all around me, protecting me from the acid burning.   
  
I swam all around, and look up what was above water, and saw a wavy Dib looking down into the water into my eyes. He was surprised, I was surprised, but I must've been so used to human behavior and function in the disguise, that the holographic cells became real, and I have become one of the humans.  
  
"Jil! JIL?? Come up here!! Are you all right?!? Can you hear me?"  
  
I held my head up to the surface, with my hair (being real) wet and straight down against my shoulders.  
  
"Yeah, I heard you! Come on in, the waters great!" I grabbed onto both of his ankles, and he went down to the bottom of the pool with me, and swam in the water all night long, laughing and being happy together in soggy clothes for hours and hours. The sun raised up soon afterwards, and we parted, naked and letting the wind dry us up, changed into different clothes and began another school day,   
  
******  
  
We hung out together everyday, and had the time of our lives. In one half of the day, I'll always pretend in front of Zim that I was gonna kill Dib any day know, and was acting like a mature, obeying henchmen that Zim always wanted. Sometimes I was on Zim's side of the battle and threw rocks at Dib, and I would 'attack' Dib with my karate moves whenever he 'trespassed' the house. GIR knew the secret too, but he was stupid enough not to tell, and giggle at all the insanity going on.   
  
Scarlet would just sigh and give me all the gossip, but once Dib got to know my laptop, she started to accept him as someone who knew a lot about computers. On the other half I'll go over to Dib's house and play, join him in his Swollen Eyeball meetings and ticked the hell off of Gaz. Then I would Dib some of my techniques, and he'll watch as I hook a guy's nostrils up to the crack of his ass, and force him to walk 80 miles like that. And even at one point, I got myself a musical instrument that'll impress Dib. That and murder all those ex-girlfriends and aliens who have come to Earth.  
  
~ MUSIC STORE ~  
  
"These are all instruments that play music once you know how to read the chords and notes and stuff like that. And each one of them plays a particular type of music, like classical, rap, jazz, plus one kind of music that really gives me a headache and pull my ears off....."  
  
"COOL!!! I wanna get this instrument!"  
  
"But the strings are made of steel, and it's one instrument that has a unique playing form and sound that'll be hard to achieve! I think you might wanna wear gloves or use a pick, it'll bleed your hands just from playing one note..."  
  
I play the most wildest, most awesome and extreme tunes and rhythms that everyone will ever hear. It was powerful and vibrating, and because my fingers are originally metal replacements, they didn't harm me at all, and blew the whole music store away with my tunes. Literally.  
  
"Uh...OOPS! Are you all okay? I know it was kinda destructive, but hey, at least it moved 20 miles west, towards my house! Come on, DIB!!!! I wanna get those 8' tall sound boxes to plug it into down by the electronic shop!"  
  
"Ow.....my head...Oh, god, He picked something up from the ground, "My ears ripped off!!!""  
  
Heh, heh! I played that electric guitar every single day, right down to perfection and make a person's brain explode with it's volume. I loved it, so wild, so powerful and destructive and yet it played beautiful music that made Dib hung around with me even more. *sigh* God, I love that boy!!   
  
But it was until one particular night, that I had a feeling that I just couldn't stay here on Earth anymore. Not only did I have a long need of being with Dib, but I had a long need of being back into outer space. I didn't care about my old body's conditions, I have a new one, a new body to travel all around the galaxy on my hover-board, playing the electric guitar with Dib beside me with.   
  
I was getting sick and tired of staying on the Earth, the humans remind me too much of Irkens, and the environment itself is awfully-vomiting disgusting and hideous. Plus Zim was getting onto me more than normal when I got the guitar, and starting to realize that I hadn't fulfilled my duty in months (well, years) now, and saw me more on Dib's side than his. I didn't want him to figure out the big secret, but I also wanted Dib to know my other big secret, in order to travel around in space with him.   
  
If he loved me the way I have been now, a slight shot of what I am underneath can't upset him. Maybe surprise him, but not truly disappoint. So I ask Scarlet to deactivate the chip that was supposed to be on permanently. In just a couple of weeks and banging and twitching screws and wires, the laptop had made an off switch. 


	8. Chapter 4

Random (: I own only Jil and Scarlett, and the song is Liz Phair's. Jhonen V owns the rest  
  
~ IN AN ALLEY, NIGHT ~  
  
"Hello, Dib."  
  
"Hey. Any scoop on Zim for me tonight?"  
  
"No, but something more important. We both hate this planet very much, and we want to be together, so I thought you and I can hitchhike the galaxy together on my hover-board. We can gather food in Foodcourtia, sleep on a different deserted planet every night, and even settle in a new home! We can leave tonight, we'll just gather our things, and leave this dump forever!"  
  
"What!? Leave?? That sound wonderful, but I've got a mission here! Save Earth from the terror that is ZIM!! It's been my duty forever, and I won't give up on it."  
  
"Dib, the whole Empire of his species is much more terrifying than that defective idiot. You can come with me, stop the Irkens from taking over the entire Universe, and soar through the stars and pass by the flaming asteroids in space forever! Live and die in peace together, forever! And besides, Zim's mission is an entire fake. The Irkens don't even care about your planet."  
  
"What?...How did you---  
  
"Stop right there. Please" I sighed, this was the moment, I had to tell him, even though he might already know. "I knew you have to find out someday, and that day is when you like me and has so much respect and trust from me that it wouldn't effect you too seriously. Please Dib, understand that I hate those Irkens to the deep pits of my soul...."  
  
I switched on the off switch, and Dib gasped to see the old and original me, the tall, mutated Irken beast whose always rotting away...  
  
"Please Dib, come with me and we'll live the rest of our live together---"  
  
"You're an Irken! I knew it all the time, and I was stupid enough to fall in love with another of your species!!!! AUGGHHHH!!!!!!!! You're assassin because you were with the Irken army, didn't you?? And you came to Earth so that you could kill me for Zim!!"  
  
"That's true, but I didn't mean to---"  
  
"It was all a trick!!! Ever since I met Tak, I was never to be able to trust anyone ever again, because they were always on the enemy's side!!!! Leave this planet without me!! I can save it myself!! I don't want to ever see you, or another female Irken ever again!!!"  
  
"But Dib, I hated them ever since I was born!!! I could permanently change myself as a human now and you won't have to see me like that ever again, and I had no choice, Dib, I had no choice!! And I never attempted to lay a single blade onto you!! You're the only organism I've ever met that I did not threat to death!! Please, understand me!!!"  
  
"Just go on without me!!!" He stomps away, not even looking back, into the darkness of the street lights.  
  
"And thanks for all the info., Jil!! I'll sure need it to ruin your life!!!!"  
  
And that was that. He left me all alone in that alley to cry, and kill a booze hound while I cried, hoping he'll get all my pain, but it just doesn't work that way with love. I got out my hover board from my pack and turned my disguise back on, I flet more comfortable being human than anything else.  
  
********   
  
I sat. I sighed. I flew into space. I cried along the way. He just didn't get it, and I don't blame him. After all, he's only human, and he took this whole hatred for Irkens a little too seriously. I sigh. I sob. I scream for my loneliness and in heart-breaking pain. I sobbed even more and sat looking back at the Earth as the board flew itself, far, far away from here.....And played one last song, on my electric guitar, it was heard throughout the empty masses of space and time. Even now if you listen carefully, in the part of Milkyway I floated upon, you can still hear me sing it again and again.  
  
Get a load of me,  
  
Get a load of you,  
  
Walking down the street  
  
And I hardly know you (hardly know you)  
  
It's just like we were meant to be  
  
Holding hands with you,  
  
When we're out at night,  
  
Got a girlfriend  
  
You say it isn't right (isn't right)  
  
And I've got someone waiting too.  
  
The problem is, it's just the beginning,  
  
We're already wet and gonna go swimming  
  
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you,  
  
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you,  
  
It's inevitable...it's a fact we're gonna get down to it  
  
So tell me...  
  
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you  
  
Isn't this the best part of breaking up  
  
Finding someone else you get enough of  
  
Someone wants to be with you too  
  
It's an itch we know we gonna scratch  
  
Gonna take a while for this egg to hatch  
  
But wouldn't it be beautiful?  
  
Here we go, we are at the beginning,  
  
we haven't fucked yet, but my head's spinning  
  
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you,  
  
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you  
  
It's inevitable...it's a fact we're gonna get down to it  
  
So tell me...  
  
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you  
  
I'd love for to make me wonder  
  
Where it's going  
  
I'd love for you to me pull me under  
  
Something's growing  
  
For this we can control  
  
Baby I'm dying.....!  
  
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you  
  
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you  
  
Whenever I think about you.  
  
Whenever I think about you,  
  
Whenever I think about you.....  
  
Whenever I think about you!  
  
A new destiny was out there for me to perform, another new me to be, but where, when, and who? Only fate and hope for a new lover out there, can guide me through..... 


	9. Part Three: Vortian, Chapter One

~ SPACE: MONTHS LATER ~   
  
"Dib...oh DIB! Where are you now? I miss you..." I was still wailing for my love, I can't get over things like this quickly. "Oh.....it's just not the same, anymore!!!!!!! God damn I hate my life!!!!! My wonderful little DIB! How much I love you more, when the skies tears us, apart..."  
  
I've been sitting on that hover-board, with it flying now back in my home galaxy, crying and writing fake letters to him for about 3 months now. I kept changing back to my Irken form, but then sometimes I'll change my mind, and become human again. I just don't know which one I should truly be, and which form would be best for me and my soul mate, whoever that is now.   
  
With my ongoing, agonizing depression, my Irken body has truly lost it, and I can barely lift an arm, or turn my head without the help of Scarlett. At least I wasn't this way alone, even if she is just a machine who has now less personality than ever. I threw most of my weapons away into the suns, since I molded them all into the shape of Dib's head. Either that or I carved the name 'DIB' all over it with his own blood. I actually licked that blood once. It was bitter, yet it had a sugary side to it.....  
  
"Jil! I have indicated that a huge ship is coming this way, and we won't be lost without mechanically functional civilization anymore!" Scarlett reported to me, I recently installed new satellites to her system. "Turn your hover-board northeast and we'll be able to park it in its garage!"  
  
I chnged into human, and tried to steer the board, but it was too heavy for me to move. "Ugh.... God, it's too heavy."  
  
"The there's too much cargo, we need to drop something out of it now, or else!!"  
  
I dropped a pin out of it, watching it float away. "Will that work? Heh!...Heh...."  
  
"-_-" Scarlett made that expression on me, the one I liked the least. "You know what is to be given up, and I let you politely throw it out of here yourself, it's time you need more independence from me."   
  
"....?"  
  
"Give me the guitar, fucker!!"  
  
"Never!!!! It's my only memory left of him!'  
  
"Who, your ex-boyfriend again?"  
  
"No, Johnny Depp, obviously! Jeez, you computers start to sicken me with your intelligence and dumb personality.....!"  
  
I tried to punch her, but Scarlett dodged and used her spider legs to scratch me like a cat, but I grab them in time and swing her over into space. Unfortunately the laptop flew back at me, and held me down on the hover board, changing me to Irken form. I punch her once with an iron fist, but Scarlett sneaked back behind me and choked me, so I did a hard back kick at the machine. Some of her screws and chips fell off, but I still suspected the worst from my best friend, and blocked the guitar from her, but Scarlett flew with her dragonfly wings and almost threw it out into space.  
  
I collapsed right on top of her. It was only a couple of minutes now, but already I felt weak and tired, so we kept fighting and Scarlett had to help me strangle her or kick her. The hover-board swayed and swayed and swooed like crazy until once again, me and Scarlet squashed ourselves to the windshield of, you guessed it-----The Massive.  
  
~ INSIDE ~  
  
"UGH!!! Another one!!!!" grunted Red, now eating nachos.  
  
"Just when I was getting used to not having any bugs on our glass for over two years, we get this!!!!"  
  
Oh shit, Red pondered, something I knew he'll do only when I'm or someone I cared about is involved, most likely in a painful way. "She looks so familiar...."  
  
"As if we met up with her once and sent her off to space...."  
  
"So she'll explode and die and never expose a very, very well kept secret."  
  
They both glanced at each other, and said, ".....NAAAH!!!" simultaneously  
  
"I'm hungry, time for 2nd breakfast!!" Purple said, leading the way to the kitchen.  
  
~ BACK OUTSIDE ~  
  
I slid off the glass, back in my human form, before anyone could see. Scarlet climbed back into my PAK, along with my hover-board, but my electric guitar was out and in my arms. I climbed and walked around on top of the Massive, and went through a vent and landed in the pitch black, and very spacy garage. I've made my settlements here, even though I hated being on Irk's most powerful ship, it felt like a home to me.   
  
For the next two weeks I stole food in the cafeteria, stole cushions from the bed chambers, and even switched a couple of electric plug-ins and operative systems just to get them freaked out by some kind of 'ghost'! HA! They've always been so pathetic. No one noticed my existence, and I always kept my human body on at all times now, since my other is now completely useless.  
  
"This is the life, ain't it?" I said to my Scarlett, no longer killing her but eating a meal with her (even though computers only consume data and numbers like '0000000010101001010101010101001010101')  
  
"'Ain't' word not found in dictionary. It's a fake! It's fake! IT'S A FAKE!"  
  
'If only I can fix up your attitude, you wouldn't act so freaky. But you have some kind of virus in you, just like me...." The computer chips and screws I actually knocked over during the fight were anti-virus programs that protected machines from ever getting sick. I felt bad for her that I have ruined her, just like Zim ruined me.   
  
"What would be on today's schedule for tasks and meaningless acts of violence and terror? You have listed NONE to-day."  
  
"I haven't? Well, now I get to finally have the opportunity to do what I always wanted to do since I hitchhiked this ship and Dib broke up with me. Settle down, do absolutely nothing and forget about my Earth and Irk life. Yeah..."  
  
~ THE NEXT DAY. PLUS SEVERAL DAYS AFTER THAT ONE DAY ~  
  
I sighed, being on a ship bored to death for days and days without a life to live in is a waste of time. "Boy, I'm so sick of this place! I'm gonna go down to Planet Vort, and force those Vortians to set up a new me!!"  
  
Though I did some thinking and palnning to make myself a new life, which was worth the trouble. "I just don't belong with the human lover life, or the freakishly-deformed Irken one!"  
  
I packed up my things, and emptied out all the futile stuff in my PAK which reminded me of my human and Irken lives. I've moved on. My attributes of being a rebel or an assassin are pretty much over. But my love for Dib is still in my heart. I still cried by the fact that he hated me now, for being what I was born to be and the evil, menacing gang behind it. Every hour or so I would play a new love song on my electric guitar to cheer me up. But only Scarlet can give me the advice I needed.   
  
"You gave up everything else you loved, but that traitor-human-bitch is still on your mind! He's not gonna like you anymore, no matter how much you convinced him that you aren't the enemy, no matter how many of his girlfriends are buried. He isn't coming back for you, and you're not coming back for him!! Create a new you, starting with your attitude and mind."  
  
"He ain't no bitch, you know...." I mumbled.  
  
Scarlett heard, shrugged and sighed at me. "Do it for yourself, at least, please?"  
  
"Fine. I'm better off being a rebel of the Irken Empire or a soldier for an army than anything. I do have a new interest in military strategy and Vortian life....Good riddance to true love!"  
  
Me and Scarlet got on my hover-board, and rode down onto the miles and miles of passing stars and blackness, through blue skies and finally getting closer to the land. We crash landed in a middle of a desert right inside some kind of tiny fort. I've made a new settlement to this new house, and started to work on plans to contract the Vortians. Simple: Go find the main building. Go up to the medical engineer. Kick her/his ass, and walk away in a new, fresh Irken bod.  
  
"Wow....I never knew Vort had massive deserts, tropical forests, and a pizza place floating 10 feet in the air!! I must be in the 4th Dimensional Region, the 12th and final region of Vort to be civilized and claimed!"  
  
"Uhh...according to my satellite locator, we're actually on Planet Meekrob."  
  
Fuck the damn ship! Well, I guess we shouldn't be far from Planet Vort now, just short enough of a trip to empty my fuel tank, then I can refill it there! Woo! I'm smart!"  
  
"Planet Vort is 432,809,845,974, miles away from us."  
  
"BULLSHIT!!!" I yelled, stomping my now-human feet onto the hot sand. "Let's play it! I love that game!!" I got a deck of cards out of nowhere.  
  
"Vort is very, very far away from us!! It'll take months to get there, and this is only because of the random planet movement decade had just started about yesterday, and in 10 years or so, we'll be about 44 miles from Vort."  
  
"....Fuckdamnitbullshitass!!" 


	10. Chapter Two

For a couple of days, we were stranded inside the shack, and our only food to eat was pizza and blursberry jelly, which I've grown to be allergic to. I've given up my goal to be a different 'person' but instead be able to survive without keep thinking Scarlet is a turkey-ham-cheese-salsa-burger-lettace-cucumber-tuna-relish-pasta-Italian salad dressing-potato-peanut butter sandwich, and chewing on the laptop when it was closed. God, I love that sandwich....And the only place to get one of a kind sandwich of the sort was at Foodcourtia. So close, yet so lazy........  
  
"Mmmmmm........sandwich....."  
  
"AHH! UGGGH!!!" Scarlett pulled herself away from me. "Don't you know the difference between an advanced model of Irken laptop helper 4 and some goddamn sandwich?!"  
  
"Well you would've actually tasted good sooner or later if you haven't started to budge and complain about it!! Besides, I was merely biting you, and carving teeth marks on your mouse."  
  
"You chewed off half the keys off my keyboard, and vomited them out and then glued them back on to me using your own drool! You call that merely biting?!"  
  
"You don't understand my senses of starvation, and I don't understand your on-going deserted insanity! So there's no reason why we should---"  
  
"Thumpity, thump thump! Thumpity, thumpity, thump, thump, THUMP! Clicklity click-click clack CLOOK!!!!!! (clook?)" The sounds thumped outside our door, we did not know what to expect now.  
  
"Shhhh! Somebody's coming, turn on more lights to get their attention, it could be helpful to us." Scarlet whispered.   
  
I whispered back, arguing, "No, shut off all the lights! Trust me, I know this will be the right thing to do...."  
  
"How would turning off all the lights when the strangers come nearby help us from being stranded here, rescue us and bring us over to Planet Vort, exactly?"  
  
I paused, thinking of something good.  
  
"Well, what??'  
  
"Be-ca----uss---sse it-----'s fun to hide in the dark!" I smiled- -- '^_^'  
  
'-_-' Scarlett replied using only that look. I peaked through the only window in the shack, but saw nothing but the color hazel.............I mean black! Black, black, black!! Sorry, since I was in my Irken form at the time, my vision kept changing the colors of things. Or maybe the color was really turquoise.....  
  
"Oh please, SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!"  
  
I thought this stranger was Irken, so for mine and Scarlett's sakes I opened the door slightly, pulled in the now-helpless green insect and slam the door all in just less than 3 seconds. He said something I did not bother to listen too, but instead with one spider leg, I was slicing his neck with a long butcher knife, one metal claw keeping his Irken claws behind his back, while my only real hand was choking him.. He was shivering to death, and I was upset about this. Not only was I upset, I was raging angry!!! I mean, out of all the strangers there for me to grab and break their blood red chain (I mean sky blue. Or was it eggplant...?), this bastard had to be an Irken!   
  
A huge intensity of my muscle powers and raging anger from my human form came through my ugly ass hole body, and it made me twitch my eye like crazy. I was not myself anymore, but now a very ticked off, homicidally crazy jackass who keeps speaking in lies and outrages of the way things went. Watch:  
  
"Don't you dare move a single antennae, you are under my arrests now!! Its either you tell me what Irken civilian are you and why you've come to my lair, or its time to slice your neck off, and saw off your vocal cords? Wouldn't that be nice?!? And don't you worry about the mess, I usually get every drop of blood destroyed in under 10 minutes! Aren't I fast? I've learned to speed clean back when I was a slave to that repulsive Zim, and to clean as a punishment whenever I didn't murder that Dib human!!!  
  
He kicked me right on the shin (how dare he!!) and I growled in pain, in a mechanical way of growling with pieces of my horrible machinery supporting my unfortunate tongue and lower jaw, and wires down my throat to help my voice speak out. I had let go of the Stranger's neck and left it alone for about 10 minutes or so. After all, either though he was Irken and I wanted to kill him, Scarlett had taught me to give some of them respect, give them some time and space to explain themselves. But after that ever-lasting 10 minutes or so, the idiot kept his mouth shout, and I didn't even feel his goose bumps anymore, it was like he was calm, but didn't have the capability to say who he was. I was really outraged now.  
  
"You dare kick me and didn't even explain yourself, after I've given you the chance!! You idiotic bitch!! I outta stab you right now before I tell my whole life's story! You stupid Irken should pitying yourself right now, for being one in the first place, HA!!"  
  
My claw held my favorite knife, Mr. Bleeder, and with my spider legs I handcuffed the stranger 's hands behind his back. My hand was starting to touch and feel the skin of the loser on his neck, finding the perfect place to stab and slice so he'll truly have to suffer, but suffer quickly enough so I can bury him the sooner.  
  
"Prepare to die a bloody and professionally freakish death, Irken! Or I'm not Irk's best assassin for ANY species, Irken J---Wait, whoa?! This skin of yours is so unusually smooth, but not skin cream smooth, but naturally...."  
  
I did something the most incredibly unusual thing at that moment. I dropped the knife to the floor, and began to feel and touch his body, shaping the whole thing out and was shocked to see that this was no Irken I had grabbed in the darkness, or brightness. He was a lot more calmer now, as if he felt he can trust me now. My normal senses told me to pick up the damn blade already and get it over with, while a new sense indicated that I should keep doing this.   
  
"Come on, Jil! Yeah, that's it...keep going, keep going... You're almost there, you just need more tiiiiiiiiime......!" My hand had now touched his, "3 fingers, like a typical Irken." I thought, but my hand raised up higher, and felt his bare arm instead of a glove and sleeve.   
  
I rubbed a new substance, that had appeared to cover his eyes. "Pure unbreakable glass..." I had thought again. Then, up on top of his head, my hand was trying to shape out what was on top of this creature, "no antennas, no...", me said to I, "but horns."   
  
And finally, I had my claw extend downward and felt the odd shape of the now-what-I-hadn't-expected legs. It was very freaky, very odd, indeed. Most creatures and beings in the Universe who had legs were perfectly straight, but bend-able in one way and one place. But this leg was no straight line, and it had, indeed, two knees. Two ways to bend each of them. I gasped for air, and breathed out:  
  
"Just like me....."  
  
Only one species I had learned about has this unique quality. Boy am I dumb, or what?  
  
"Sorry, I should've known. I should've been more considerate of you screaming at the door, wanting nothing but help, and instead I gave you more of a scare for your life." I released him and walked away, finally picking up Mr. Bleeder and storing it back in my busted PAK on my way. Scarlett felt this was gonna be a private session for me and this mysterious male, so she hoped back into my PAK, too.  
  
"Here, let me turn on the light, and don't be scarred....Its just a serious virus I have inside me...I will harm you no more." I turned on the light, and he turned around to see what I look like. He dropped his jaw down and widen his eyes just a bit, but he wasn't actually scared anymore, but more of a shocked/surprised feeling. I was happy to see that in him.  
  
"Uhh..."  
  
"The names Jil, Irken Jil, and I'm the greatest assassin known on Irk, and maybe with the rest of the Universe. I'm very young, but I'm smart and know my skills well, its just I have to live an awful life because of the Irkens and their society, and because of this evil virus destroying me day by day!!!   
  
"I'm getting weaker and weaker by the hour, but I keep my confidence up by practicing my homicidal and martial arts skills. I've been trying to ask the Tallests if they can a new body for me from your people, since a body is expensive and very rare as it was. But they've denied me for my other secret of being taller than them, and sent me to Earth, where I had to work for Zim. And the rest you already know."  
  
"Planet Earth? I've been there before," He said to me, "and that Dib child you talked about earlier sounds so familiar to me....And I definitely know that Zim jerk! He worked at Vort months ago, and ended up destroying my home planet, and blaming it all on me!!! I got fired and banned from ever working there again! But now I'm a Captain, and I lead a group of revolutionaries I order to end the Irken Empire and Operation Impending Doom Two!!!"  
  
This guy hates Irkens too!? I was literally smiling at the sight of such a miracle, coming over to my shed!! And even better, he was a Vortian, and knew how to get me a new body!! And even better than the last thing I said, this guy's hot!! He looks so savvy, like a captain, and a shy, but firm and serious general for his rebellion army.   
  
"Wow!! Destroying the Irken Empire is a vision in my life long dreams!! I've always wanted to gain vengeance from those green ants!! And why are you here anyhow? And whose sobbing outside my shed?"  
  
"That's just Hermly, a jerk. A very creepy one, so to speak. But, I've come to seek directions to find the location of the Massive! It's part of an attack we're planning."  
  
This night just keeps getting better and better!  
  
"I just flew off that ship with my hover-board a couple of days ago! I can track it down for you and we can follow it!! Can I join your group, please...um, what do they call you?  
  
"Oh! Lard Nar," He said, then adding, "Captain Lard Nar."  
  
*sigh* Lard Nar....Sure, the first name made me think of that cow fat and puke, but that whole SOUL of it just rings bells and chimes into my mind. Those new senses I had earlier were still in me, and urged me to do stuff even more, but they told me to be patient. "Give him a chance, a space and time for introductions and get-to-know-you stages! You'll just have to wait, my friend. You'll just have to wait......."  
  
"Please, Lard Nar? I've been an Irken all my life, I know a lot of secrets and major attacking projects they're up to for the Empire!! I can kill the whole Armada for you in just 15 minutes!! Without the use of lasers or bombs! I'm against them, too!! Just please understand that, yes, I have been one of them for all my life, but I'm different from the average Irken! Let me join your gang, you won't regret it one bit!!"  
  
"Oh, I don't know, you are willing and all, but....."  
  
I was getting down to the blues, but that didn't stop me from making another big mistake, or letting the other good of my soul make a mistake, just like last time.  
  
"I'm no Irken spy! Trust me!!" She said, as with she knew exactly what Lard Nar was thinking. "I hate those Irkens down to the dark pits in my heart and swore, promised myself, cross my heart hope to die, stab a laser needle in my eye that I'll destroy those Irkens and never leave one living!  
  
"Please?? Ever since I had to leave Earth for of my hate for Zim and the human species I've been lonely and willing to do something worthwhile!! Please?????" She bent down to the ground as best as she could with her deformed legs, and tried to make the puppy pout look.   
  
I crossed my only existent fingers, and praying that he'll say yes. I'll do anything, and I mean anything, to get this Lard Nar more into my life, and to make me the happy joyful one I was long ago. And besides, I wanted new flesh, damn it! Either that or I'll have to hunt him down. And make him stay with me.  
  
"Sorry, I just can't let you be on my side yet. But we'll wait and see. Maybe I'll see you later sometime. Thanks again for breaking the chain off of me, though.........Sorry."  
  
Okay, now I have to hunt him down. Shit!! I did not wanted him to leave so soon, such a separation made me ache and my soul scream in agony. I was not gonna go through depression, personality-changing and starvation all over again. The end of that was now, and Lard Nar will be by companion and guide. Even if it'll take some worth while risks. I looked at a table nearby with all my futile stuff on it and grabbed a paper off of it.   
  
"Wait!"  
  
Lard Nar turned around, and remembered he had forgotten something. I sadly handed him the piece of paper in which he'll need for his journey. *sigh* If only I came with him then! I've always wondered why nobody will let me join their group or army or armada, and yet I'm probably the best solider they'll ever had, because I had such a skill of murder. Who knows?  
  
"Here, the directions for your trip. Um.........Goodbye."  
  
"Thanks, and goodbye to you, too."  
  
He walked out of the shed and closed the door silently, but also painfully for me. Just minutes later, the front door opened, and a grayish-blueish laptop of the same model as Scarlett's (God forbid), except it was stuck inside a computer robot, and its spider legs crawled up to me, growling. I guessed that this was the 'Hermly' that Lard Nar mentioned earlier. The one whose in love with him.  
  
Creepy bastard.  
  
"Hey, you!! You evil, evil witch!! Where's Lard Nar? Huh?! Huh?! Huh?!? Where has my true love gone onto!? And you are ever so evil and you are a total bitch for breaking our love chain of the heavens!! Now you made Lard Nar and I upset, and now we can never be together ever again!! You evil witch! You evil bitch! BITCH! WITCH! BITCH! WITCH! BITCH!!!"  
  
Creepy bastard, still!! I instantly took the move of first jumping on the top of the robot, crushing him flat, ripped off all his wires off with the technical power of my Irken jaw, and Scarlet helped by springing out of my PAK, and got out a bottle of water to add the dose of torture for Hermly with.   
  
"Trust me, he never want to be involved with you in the first place, he's better off now, away in his ship and leading his army for war....for war....for warrrrrr!!!!"  
  
"One thing's for certain, I wouldn't process my private computer data onto his system!!" Scarlett said, shuddering.  
  
I looked at the window, and my new senses told me he saw it. And he had thanked me for it, in his own, secret way.  
  
~ THE NEXT DAY ~  
  
I wanted to leave this Meekrobian world now. I've had enough of it, the senses urged myself to go fly up in the sky, and hitchhike a ship until I found my new love of my life: Lard Nar! He was much better than Dib, he probably have more experiences fighting the Irkens than Dib had, being captain and all! Captains, so savvy, intelligent and heroic, but Lard Nar was determined to keep his leadership duty, and not look hot, sexy and muscular to impress others.   
  
I fell into his spell even more farther and much longer than any other with the human boy, and his interests of not doing the typical Captain's game, plus he did not seem to have any girlfriends in the past. Good, I won't have to sacrifice any more lives of the feminine because of my jealously!  
  
"Jil, will you stop daydreaming about your new boyfriend, and hitch this dump before the Massive leaves!!!"  
  
I didn't know what happened to me then, but whatever it was, I must've been really out there.  
  
"Irk to Jil! Earth to Jil!! Meekrob to Jil!! Vort to Jil!!!"  
  
I started to shake and turn my head, finally coming back from vacation. "Whoa, whoa, what!?"  
  
"Ahem!" She pointed with her metal thin tips from her keyboard just about 300 feet above my head, was the big red thing itself, with its huge black Irken face painted on the very front. Scarlett jumped into my PAK, and I got on my hover-board, flying to space.   
  
"Wait, slow down! My hover-board's almost out of---"  
  
We both shrieked and screamed before I could say it.  
  
THUMP! CRASH!! BREAK!!! COLLAPSE!!!  
  
Scarlet and I had fallen right through the metal surface of the ship, and landed on the filthy floor of the same garage I planned my escape on. And the bad news was, my hover-board broke in half. Oh.......  
  
"Monkey's poopy pants! How am I suppose to go to Vort now?"  
  
"Stop being such a idiot and let me handle it! Ever since you've upgraded to a maxim on my skill and personality drives, I've gathered data on how to fix up messes like this, and I even built myself my hands and feet! Didn't you notice I didn't have those before?"  
  
"Fix it! While I'll sit here and think of an ingenious plan to find my love, make him love me and get my new body all at the same time! I'm changing to human and staying that way, my life rate on my Irken body is seriously close to death, or total destruction of my brain and all the cells on it, thus I go insane and melt into green, vomiting blob."   
  
Scarlett looked at me with virtual shocking eyes and vibrated horrifyingly, "You're dying already? Jil, go up to the medical center of the ship, and bring out all the medication labeled "Parasital Killer and Virus Destruction Aid" on them and bring them here to me!! Let me check your pulse first....."  
  
She thought this was gonna be bad for her to watch me die, and for me to have to suffer before I enjoy the dimension of love. I would've worried back when I was a killer at the cities on Planet Irk before I met Zim and the gang, but now I know what she didn't realize is, I've got my human form at perfect health rate, and when I die here I can just force myself, my brain and soul to switch back to human permanently. Very simple. But she just HAD to do something about it, even before she fixes my hover-board. Me first. Then stuff.   
  
"Oh god......44 beats per minute, that isn't gonna do at all! Your life is at stake!!" She shoved me away, "Go, go, go!!"  
  
"But I can just always transform into my human for when I'm--"  
  
"I don't fucking care, just get there!" I went up there anyway with my human costume on, but I went to the garage, gathered the medicine and walked back there as slowly as possible, just to piss that system of numbers. But it was surprising to see my machine swear at me like that, and I think her hip, radical personality drive has gone over the limit, either that or I'm being to paranormal about science technology. They can be so Irken these days.  
  
"I'm back!! Did you finish it? Huh? Huh? Is it all fixed and sparkling? Is it restored for me now to go to and marry Lard Nar and live happily ever after? HUH!?"  
  
"Oh my god, it's been fifteen minutes since your last check! Take every single pill and drip of red medicine into your Irken self, now!"  
  
I changed to human, and grudge, "Okay, fine....." I ate all of those disgusting pills. "BEEEEELCH!!!!"  
  
"Good, good, those things should help the body at least restrain itself and give you about 2 weeks left to live in that hideous, rotting banana!!"  
  
"Aww...How sad, I like bananas!! They're all so mushy and sweet!! And can become the moon, a phone and even a hand held gun! BANG! Bang, bang!"  
  
"Then you shouldn't have to see what I found stuck inside your foldable hover transpiration device...."  
  
She pulled up an ordinary, yellow banana that looked like a good, worth while snack. But it did something so unusual and horrifying to see that I--- just----can't-----AHH!!!!!!!!!  
  
"Poor banana, Why did it have to---------melt awaaaaaay??? I ciried, 'tis a depressing sight. "It was such a delicious fruit....That sort of action against a fruit should never seize to exist ever again!!!!"  
  
~ MINUTES LATER ~  
  
"This is so boring!! I'm sick of this garage, we never have to go through crazy adventures! Plus it's too dark for my human eyes, and I don't want to be blind in both forms!"  
  
"Oh come on, we might as well stay here, it's the only hiding spot to fix the board for you!"  
  
"I still got some left stored in the freezer on the chef's deck! It's not like I would want to gain weight because I was BORED!!"  
  
"We can always check out what the tallests are up to in the main control room! You can just disguise as one of the pilots." Scarlet had her personality drive uploaded when I deactivated her by mistake after the banana incident, but it was for the better of the machine!  
  
"Nah...I hate those tall dorks so much!! And I bet they aren't doing much good for their Empire, anyway! I ain't doing it!!"  
  
"There's a big window you can look through, like a TV."  
  
".............Okee dokee!" 


	11. Chapter Three

So I went up to some guard, froze him up in the chef's deck, and me and Scarlet ran all around the Massive, trying to find the main control room, but it was practically impossible. It was like finding a skyscraper in North Dakota, because there are no skyscrapers in North Dakota!! But being our stupid selves, the whole map of the Massive was clearly posted on every single wall and door in the whole ship, so it took us about 5 hours 'til we finally got there.   
  
Scarlet, on her spider legs, jumped back to my PAK, and my disguise was so clever that you couldn't definitely tell which one was me I sat on the very front of the circular controls, where I got the best view of the outside Universe, right through the windshield.  
  
"Hey, Quenzyne, where've ya been? You been out for like, 10 HOURS TODAY!!!" The Re-eyed one complained.  
  
"Yeah! You have the easiest job of all, by turning the steering wheel left and right continuously, and yet you decided to take a break!!", Wow, talk about luck, good news from the purple one! "That's not gonna happen anymore, lazy Irken!"  
  
"You wanna be our new service drone?"  
  
I didn't know what to say, nor an exceptionally good excuse to make. I mean, every single time I see this kind of situation on TV or something, the main character tells a lie and says that he/she is the missing one. But they usually get sued for saying that, so I went what was in my gut.  
  
"Uh...Quenzyne's dead! Yeah, I saw someone freeze her and I was officially claimed her replacement. Hi! I'm....Gaz! Yeah, and I've come to serve my duties to make you happy, my tallests!"  
  
I cursed myself for saying that. I still do from this day.  
  
Red formed a questioned look, "Gaz? That name sounds so foreign!"  
  
"So weird and freaky, too many Z's and Q's and X's and Y's and J's!" I shook for a second, but never fear, I said in my mind, for my mind is here to save me! "It's um....Swiss! Yeah...the name's from a really, really far planet, not on any map in existence."  
  
"Oh... keep working!!! I want to see effort people, effort!"  
  
"And nachos people, NACHOS!!"  
  
For the next several days I was extremely bored of my duties, which I found out was called 'Ship Stirrer', and half the time I would daydream about what would be hiding up behind the meteors for me to discover, and to dance under the stars with Dib, while a magical tune from a holophoner plays. During the other half was keeping my secret, not revealing my true identity and when I'm REALLY bored, listening to the almost-interesting conversations the tallests had with invaders, sergeants, Meekrob, gay officers at Irk, pizza places, pirates, Mafia, the Armada and even random fans of the tallests who just had happened to find the Massive's transmission code number.   
  
Tallest (*ack*) Red waved his two claws carelessly in command, "Ok, that's enough from you, so... bye bye!"   
  
And Purple added something, to make this Irken's life worser. "You've failed your mission! Mmm hmm!"  
  
"NOO!!! Wait! I can do better!" This apparently was Invader Tenn, a female whom I've met before when we were little Irks in the big city, still as weak and desperate as before. "I have a plan, and months later, you shall be so proud of me that it will go down in history discs. HISTORY DISCS!!!"   
  
And she fainted. Tee hee.  
  
"She may be the most high-honored Irken in the Invader Academy," Said Red, "But I still think she'll get captured by those Meekrob!"  
  
"Yep! I can bet my monies on that!" That was an oddly interesting conversation they had today, but I had this feeling that both Invader Tenn and the Tallests will have their wishes come true. But that's later, so we'll stay here now!!  
  
"You know what?" Purple asked.  
  
"WHAT?!?" No one, not even Purple, can disturb Red when he eats food from his 'Treasure Chest'.  
  
"Zim hasn't called us in a while! No wonder I hadn't have to fetch my aspirins server in weeks!"  
  
"It truly is wonderful, isn't it?" Being half annoyed of having to talk before eating again, such pigs they are!  
  
"Maybe that Jil kid went mad from just living with him, and killed him--"  
  
"And went so insane that she killed herself too, HA HA!"  
  
I opened my eyes wide as they could get, and growled nosily at their insults about me.  
  
But in moments my eyes were distracted upon something else, an alarm signal on one of the computer screens on my control desk, showing a picture of the Massive, and another small ship coming towards us about 15,000 miles away from us. To me I would've of ignored it, it wasn't a big deal, and maybe it was the pizza delivery. But the computer was blaring like crazy, and was SURE that it signaled a form of attack on us.  
  
"Uhh... MY TALLEST!" I shouted, I almost sounded like Master Zim when I said that. "An enemy ship is coming towards us with attack plans, and I think we should--"  
  
"An attack? HA! We can just blast them off with one mini-cannon! No one stands a chance against us!" Purple mocked. That color irks me so.  
  
One of the Irken Officers got the tallests' attention though, simply by tugging them on their robes. "Sirs, a transmission from Earth!"  
  
"HELLOOOOOO, MY TALLESTS!!!! My Tallests! My tallests! My tallests! My tallests! My tallests---" Now who could that be?  
  
"NO!!!!" Their screams echoed and echoed. It was quite an awesome voice effect.  
  
"Zim.......?!?!"  
  
~3 HOURS LATER ~  
  
"Hey, my tallests!! Look at me!! My tallests! My tallests! My tallests!"  
  
Zim shut up, what a miracle. Red twitched and barked at my past Master, "I was curious to see when you'd shut up on your own, but it's been 3 hours Zim. THREE HOURS!! So...what is it?!"  
  
"I just noticed that you're traveling closer to the Earth than EVER before!!" Zim replied awely (is that a word?).  
  
D'oh! The Massive went the other way!! Now I knew I was never gonna get to Vort and see Lard Nar again, unless something disastrous happens, and he did mention that he and his crew were in search for this very ship!! Zim looks funny when he's on the transmission screen, hee hee hee!! GIR just waved at me, and don't ask how he knew it was me under that hideous of mine, but I waved back to him. Zim didn't even care.  
  
Purple twitched a bit too, but with a bit of fear within him. "How do you know that?"  
  
"Oh, I know all kinds of things about you. Pretty creepy, huh? Anyhow, I was--" He really did. He had a file 3 times thicker on each of the tallests than he had of Dib. "Hey! That is creepy," Purple realized, what a dope. "You're creepy, Zim!"  
  
"Hehe...yes, I sure am," Now he's the smart one! "Anyhow, since you're so near by, you could see initiate my newest, most diabolical plan to destroy the humans! I made sandwiches!!" God, that whole set of sandwiches on the plate he was holding looked the most delicious and most exquisite set. He'd always make the best snacks, even occasionally when you find a whole family of Madacasgar hissing crock crouches inside. Plus some goat poop. And dead jellyfishes. And nuclear waste. And toe mails. And a whole civilization of the most advanced species in the Universe nano-sized. Did I mention the spider crabs? God, those things attack on you, and feel like total-  
  
"Uh, look Zim eh, maybe we'll stop by on our way back from....whenever we're going."  
  
"But..."  
  
"Sorry, Zim! Uh, we're being...attacked! By an enemy vessel!" He shoved Purple over to the side, as he does everyday at 12:10 in the afternoon. "Gotta go! Gotta go!"  
  
They cut off the transmission, laughed and went off to stuff their incredibly tiny stomachs with snack foods. I growled at them, and made a threatening fist they didn't glance at. "Jeez, Scarlet," I whispered rather harshly to my buddy, "How long do I have to work for these foolish dictators!? And I would've looked forward to see Zim's plan go into action."  
  
"Don't worry about it, everything's gonna work out fine! Trust me, while you were on duty here, I ran with two End of Time Servers who told me some crazy attack will go on today! Just like you found out on the main computer screen there!"  
  
It was still blinking like crazy, but it gave up and screaming and honking part of it. I heard the tallests come back, each with a nag of doughnuts they kept shoving in their mouths. How revolting, even for a slaughtering rat person!!  
  
"But that doesn't mean anything!! Besides, I bet Lard Nar and his troops got lost in some knid of wormhole or something!! He didn't look the type to lead an actual INTELLIGENT crew. And I bet Dib's gonna come over to Zim's house or something, and ruin his plan for all of us, even on this very ship!!"  
  
"Awww....But I thought you were gonna marry him!!" The female machinery made smoochy faces at me, I wave my fist at her. "Isn't he your TRUE love? Or has Lard Nar taken over the spot 'cause he's hot?!"  
  
"Ugh...I still do, but when I realized how HUMAN he was, I just wanted to move on, but then I met Lard Nar and I started to like him better than Dib even though I did not want that to happen, but Lard Nar is a lot more smart and caring for me than I bet Dib ever was, and, and....."  
  
"AAAAND????"  
  
"I DON'T KNOW!!!!!! It's a hard choice to make!! And am I gonna be an Irken again when I fly out of that Vortian Tech Company? Maybe, because it's the only being where I'm not in love struggle, and plus who shall I claim as the one I love more?? What's the better of myself to be!? Human? Irken? Vortian? Moose? Banana?" I sniffed twice, quite sadly. "I miss that banana!"  
  
"Uhh, Jil---"  
  
"I'm just so confused!! What the fate is for me today, I'll force myself to stay that way! Or, one thing I kept thinking about lately that I really, really, really, really, wanted to be is..."  
  
"JIL!!! Turn around!!!" She pointed her metal tip at where all the other Irken pilots stood under the tallests' feet as they're were eating their doughnuts. They kept starring at me as if they were saying, "Get down here already, you ASS!!" Embarrassed, I went down where the others were, and notice to see Purple had stopped eating. But it was a mere glance though, since I was still having a whispering argument with Scarlet.  
  
"These guys eat like they own the Universe!! Whatever happens to me, I'm gonna make sure those jerks would feel sorry to blow up planets and destroy TRILLIONS of lives in this very empty void of space!! Even Irkens kill themselves along with the less advanced species, just to please these ALMIGHTY tall freaks of nature! I can't believe I threatened them to give me a new body or I'll become the new Almighty Tallest. Jeez, I would kill myself next time I was about to become something so pungent and evil!"  
  
"But Jil, they DO own the Universe!!!! And why did you randomly change the subject, anyway?"  
  
"Hey, I can do what I want, and argue to you about whatever I please!"  
  
"See, you're acting just like them now! Quit the bullshit and move on, girl!"  
  
"I was only imitating them to show these asses how the Almight Tallests REALLY are!! And since when do computer start saying swears?"  
  
"Oh, pleeease!! Stop being so stubborn and confused about your love life and obey their orders! You're about them being the ultimate jerks, but we have to obedient, or we'll be kicked out!!"  
  
"FINE!! I will!!! And when will my lard nar come to me, anyway?!?!"  
  
Scarlet pitied my limited intelligence and made this face-- -_-; I really don't like that face. "He's right up there, bucko!"  
  
Everyone went back to their seats, on duty now, so I flew right on to mine, and looked up upon the screen to see something expectedly surprising.  
  
"Whoa, whoa---WHAT!?!? It's him! It's Lard Nar and he came to rescue me from this hell ship and then we'll get married have five kids sell three of them to a zoo and then eat and vomit out the other two and laugh for joy and dance in the rain and have pneumonia and die and laugh some more cause we reincarnated to our same selves and kill the Irkens and eat a bunch of sandwiches and free the Universe from monarchy power and get a nobel peace prize and kick some random ghost butt and eat even more sandwiches and play parchessi oh this is gonna be AWESOME!!!!!!!!" I babble on and on a lot, do I? Blame Cupid for that.  
  
"See, I told you it was stupid! Why do I keep listening to you?!" Lard Nar raged on the transmission screen, which I finally got a chance to listen to.  
  
"I don't know." One of the other members replied, very tall, many arms.  
  
Red of course had to stop the conversation. "Destroy them!!" The Irken officers and pilots started to act up the cannons and lasers, aimed the target, and my Lard Nar, and his 'Resisty' gang screamed for their lives and begged for mercy.  
  
"Oh my $%^ Jesus!!" I slapped both of my hands against my face, gaping my jaw. "They're gonna blast them off to space!! Nooo!!! I want Lard Nar to win this battle, and carry me back to his ship!! And then eat a couple of Victory Sandwiches!"  
  
"Gaz!! Fire the target already!!! It's YOUR moooooove!!!" A random pilot said, curse that bitch.  
  
"Oh shit, he' right." Why can't I be right for once? I had in my two gloved hands/claws the lever that if I pulled them down, I would say a dear, sad goodbye to Lard Nar and the Resisty, and I haven't even got to know them yet because of my rambling talking! Plus the tallests stood behind to see me shoot the target, and have them filled with EVIL joy."  
  
"What should I do, Scarlet?! I don't want to shoot, everyone's pointing laser guns at me!!"They really were. And those laser guns were bright pink, hee hee! "Uhh... I can't calculate that decision out for ya! Make a choice, get risked being zapped and kicked out of this ship by Irkens, or shoot the Resisty!!  
  
"But once we're out of here, and the Irkens shoot Lard Nar and his army for us, we'll be lost in space FOREVER!!! We'll never meet up with anybody, or anything in this Universe except God himself ever again!!"  
  
"What??? God!?! WE'RE DOOMED!!! Either way, everybody I know will be in grave danger, and it's all because of this stupid Empire...." My computer blazed out green lights, and without thinking whatsoever, I turned the steering wheel to the left really hard, and the Massive flipped over!!  
  
Red & Purple suddenly jumped out of their couch and hit themselves right on the ceiling, screaming. "WHOOA!!!!" Pilots ran all around, flipping over and hanging upside down on to levers.  
  
"WHAT THE FREAKN' HELL???" I shouted, and flipped over, too.  
  
"The computers," Scarlett began, bumping herself over to me. "They've deactivated and been taken over by a new commander!!! NOW WE'RE REALLY DOOMED!!!!"  
  
Everyone screamed. Hee hee, how hilarious and insane.  
  
"Why have we've lost control?!" Purple asked one of the officers, grabbing them by his collar for dear life.  
  
"My tallests!! Our weapons are off line, we're defenseless!!" Another officer said, causing the tallests to scream even more, and the Massive itself acted like a sober robot driving a ship way too low in the sky, while Scarlett did some major computer conversation, and found out something of MY interest.  
  
"You hear that?!" Lard Nar jumped from his seat, the transmission was still on! "Their weapons are down!! After them!! Get those snacks!!!"  
  
I gasped. Woo. "They've come to get the snacks!! And they're chasing us down as if we were the foxes being eaten by the hounds!!"  
  
I sighed with deep compassion, wooing over the little Vortian. "This is such a grand---" It was then that my head just had to hit the wall. Hard "OW!!! FUCK DAMN SHIT NARRG!!!!"  
  
Scarlett patted my head to make the pain better explaining all the boring research stuff she'd just done. "The master computer system here told me their new master in which they're controlling the ship, it's---"  
  
"Johnny Depp??"  
  
"No, you idiot in love, it's Zim! He's bringing over the tallests to earth, and the Massive is going down there with them!!"  
  
THUMP!! CRASH!! BANG! BANG!!   
  
I screamed, wooed and rotated around a bit, screeching and bumping into things. "What was that about? Is Zim a really horrible pilot or something?"   
  
Scarlett shook her two-dimensional computer-generated face side to side. "Guess whose also sharing the pilot controls of the Massive?"  
  
"Oh! I know!! Is it.... Johnny---Depp? Heh, heh?"  
  
"Ugh...It's your old boyfriend, Dib Membrane!!!"  
  
"Hey! His last name ain't Membrane, he told me so HIMSELF!! Wait, how's Dib sharing the controls with Zim? He doesn't have any Irken technology, other than---"  
  
Before I got to find out, the Massive and the Resisty ship chased each other right through the Earth's sun, the transmission screen went off, leaving us with only black and white fizz. We are about 500 miles from the Earth's atmosphere now, going through painful asteroids belts and burning hot comets. Some of the crew has been dead a while already, other preparing themselves to sacrifice their lives to save the injured leaders, or just committing suicide while it's still available. We're doomed, oh yeah. 


	12. Chapter Four

~ EARTH, MASTER ZIM'S LAIR~  
  
"Is that Irken equipment you're using? That's Tak's ship you're sitting in, isn't it?"  
  
"Yes it is, Zim, it fell from the--"  
  
"Isn't it!?!"  
  
~ While Zim & Dib are doing their li' insanity nonsense, we go back up to you guessed it: ~  
  
"NOOO!!!!" I yelled, as Lard Nar cut the transmission from my grasp. "We're not gonna survive  
  
this madness, we might as well escape now! You open up the tiny sky view window up here, and  
  
I'll carry you as we hitch on to the Resisty ship. Then can all live happily ever after, and I get  
  
myself what I always wanted, A NEW, GODDAMN NORMAL BODY!!!!!!"  
  
Scarlett nodded in agreement, but was only focusing on the dork duet. "Man, those two are  
  
ignoramuses!! They haven't even figured out whose on command here, and when I tried to tell  
  
them five minutes ago, do they listen?! NOOO!!! They're to busy just shrieking as we're flying  
  
through a ball of hot gases to hear what I have to say, that'll really help SAVE THEIR  
  
COMFORTABLE ASSES OF DOOM!"  
  
I wide-eyed her, and dragged her up to the roof of the Massive, and soon we were far from the  
  
scent of bakery treats.  
  
THUMP! CRASH!! BANG, BANG! CHICKA-CHICKA BANG BANG!! SWOOO!!!!  
  
From there the day was a complete disaster. Scarlet and I went out of the Massive through a vent,  
  
and flew off into space. I tried to get inside the Resisty ship, but Lard Nar seemed to be engaged  
  
with the chasing scenes and lasers, so I clenched onto one of the ends of the ship, with Scarlett  
  
tucked in to my PAK. Of course, the evil tallests sent their power core over to the Resisty ship,  
  
which crashed, banged, boomed and swooed just like the Massive.   
  
"AHHHH!!!! I can't hold on!!! I'm---getting-dizzy!"  
  
"The escape pods," Scarlett pointed, sticking only one metal claw out of my PAK. "The Resisty  
  
is flying out of here throughout the escape pods!!" There I saw, Captain Lard Nar, shaking his  
  
fist at the Irkens who sneered and chortled back at them, and got into the most fancy escape ship,  
  
and being me, I ripped off my ghastly Irken Pilot costume off, and hanged on to a bar under the  
  
ship with my very own metal hand.   
  
"We'll be back!!" The handsome Captian vowed to his non-listening audience, "I'll lead my men  
  
out to bring the fall to your monarchy Empire before you can say 'pie'! Then we shall see who'll  
  
be laughing and cheering victoriously!! Freedom to all and all who don't dictate us with our  
  
right to die miserably, with our culture destroyed and out families enslaved by you Irkens!!!"  
  
Those very words sounded like an angel's chorus to me, and also being me, I listened to every  
  
word he had mentioned to his men.  
  
"Congrats to you all, but we need to do much better than that!!! This is war, I'll be declaring  
  
soon, and I'll need more allies and more soldiers to fight in the Resisty against the most powerful  
  
armada in the entire history of this mass of space itself!! My only command for now on this  
  
transmission is to land on Planet Meekrob, they'll definitely probably help us out, being Irk's  
  
worst enemy and all!!"  
  
"And YOU being part of the species that is their best and most trusted ally, and all! HA HA!!"  
  
Laughed one of Resisty members......  
  
......I outta kick that guy's ass!!  
  
"Shut up!!" Lard Nar whined, not wanting to recall that memory again of being part of Irk's  
  
greatest ally.   
  
"Shloontapooxis, I need to talk to you for a second."  
  
A floating cone with a face appeared in front of the tiny screen, saying in his surfer accent, "OH!  
  
Is it about the doughnuts the Irkens have? 'Cause I can steal them off for ya and all the others!"  
  
"......NO! This isn't as important as the delightful treat of their snack treats!" He grudged. I like it  
  
when he grudges, it's funny! "Look, I won't be meeting up with you at Meekrob, I have important  
  
business to do at Planet Vort, I have found a way to free my people.   
  
"Really? Can ya bring me back some caffeee on da way?!"  
  
"Yes, really and no! This is personal, so don't ask about it when I arrive at Meekrob, okay? I'll be  
  
gone about a month or two, so you're in command. I trust that you won't cause the whole planet  
  
to implode like last time I put in the Captain's chair like last time, will you?"  
  
"COOL!! I'm da captian of partay, WOO!!! Someone bring out the nachos and confetti!!"  
  
"Oh dear god....." He groaned, making another of his funky sounds, and turned off the tiny screen  
  
to gaze at the pretty comets, not stars! Stars are stupid and dispensable.   
  
"Yes!" I screeched, trying to smile, "We're going straight down to the place that'll make all my  
  
dreams come true!"  
  
Scarlett jumped out of my PAK, holding two claws onto my back. "Disney World!? You outta be  
  
kidding me...."  
  
"No, Planet Vort!! Lard Nar just told his first mate he'll be staying there for a month or two!!  
  
This will be my opportunity to release out my plan....."  
  
"Plan? What plan do you mean, to be exact?" I whispered to her some random stuff, giggling like  
  
a school girl, though I no longer would want to be one anyway.  
  
~ Planet Vort: Brain Transplant Operation Room, a week later ~  
  
Finally, the day, the moment, the time, that very second of my time in this that'll change my life,  
  
my views, and possibly my self for ever more.  
  
"I closed my eyes, and soon woke up, as a completely different being."  
  
*******  
  
I couldn't believe it. A new, fresh, non-diseased body for me! I never had to see that hideous face  
  
in the mirror again, nor have to see myself as another, idiotic human. No, I was a Vortian! And  
  
best of all, it was free 'cause they were afraid I'll shoot them if they charged me! But because of  
  
the enslavement of all Vortians by Irken law, I escaped.   
  
My skin color was slate, a mix of blue and grey, my eyes were a blood red scarlet color, like my  
  
best friend, whom I know carry in a fancy, mechanical book bag because Vortians didn't have  
  
PAKs, nor did any other species in this world. I wore what the typical female Vortians wore, a  
  
dark blue tunic that had two thick black belts covering it, and a pair of tights that matched the  
  
tunic. The feet to me felt the same one as before, but they were smaller and more flexible.  
  
Scarlett praised me as I got out of the hospital that day, feeling new in just 4 hours. "Ah, you look  
  
fantastic!! Are you sure this is what you want to do for yourself? I mean, the slave drivers will  
  
find you and held captive as a slave here forever."  
  
"Don't worry about that, my dear friend, that is where I come in, and help Lard Nar free his  
  
people from slavery of the Irkens!! And once that's done, I'll make sure no one will ever mess up  
  
on Vortian territory in the future."  
  
"I have a bad feeling about that, is this some kind of scheme to seduce Lard Nar to do  
  
you-know-what-I-mean-you-big-dope-head? You've just barely met him!"  
  
"Why would I do such a thing so soon? I help him fight for resistence first, and bring him over to  
  
my side of the blue chain later. Come! Track him down, and we'll be marked as 'Ambassadors of  
  
Some Planet' the sooner!"  
  
Scarlett grudged (or was it groaned?) at me, knowing exactly what I was going for. "He's at the  
  
Lances building, 30 degrees southwest, about 3 miles away from us."  
  
We flew to the building on my hover-board, and went in, climbing up the mazes of stairways and  
  
elevators alike. It took me three hours to find him because stupidly, I didn't listen to Scarlett's  
  
directions. There I saw him, at last, walking out of a room with a sad look on his face, like a  
  
drooping plant.  
  
"Hello, Lard Nar! Hadn't seen you in a long while." I purred like a cool cat, and sat next to him  
  
on a cushy bench he was sitting on. He gave a shock look in his eyes behind the goggles to see  
  
me look totally different. I slowly pulled out Mr. Bleeder to show him it was really me. A janitor,  
  
the only one left in the building as I suspected since it was nighttime, passed by, and I sliced off a  
  
slab of his skin out, and carved on his head as he was bleeding to death 'J + LN'. Lard Nar looked  
  
confused, and moved a little back from me on the bench. But I moved closer, much closer.  
  
"We've only met about a week ago!" The Vortian tried to explain, yet I did not care for his  
  
excuses. I purred again, wooing. "What happened to you?!? You've got the monies now to buy  
  
yourself a Vortian body to stuck your brain in."   
  
"I was in the Massive when you and the Resisty attacked it. It hurt...a lot!" I said, changing the  
  
subject, as I do ever so often.  
  
"Oh.....heh, heh! I didn't know you were in the ship, it was all part of this plan I had, which is  
  
why I got the directions to find the Massive in the first place! And now I'm here, to free my  
  
people and made a deal with the Irken military to either declare independence on Vort, or war  
  
shall go on."  
  
"So I've heard. I also followed your escape pod, had the operation and WAZZA!!! I found you  
  
here, a Captain of my interest, sitting here on the down-y side of the gallery."  
  
"The what?"  
  
"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. What's wrong? Everything you've been planning here is so well  
  
achieved, do ya miss me? It was okay to put me down like that, I understand, but if there's  
  
anyway I can prove myself worthy of fighting and slaying the entire Irken Armada by your side,  
  
you name it, and I'll do as you please."  
  
"It's not that at all! The deal with the military did not work out, and now they're gonna torment  
  
the Vortians more than ever, just to make me upset!! I want to declare war on them, but I don't  
  
have an army!! And I bet Shloonktapooxis is doing horribly at Meekrob!! I told him to convince  
  
the Meekrob to be our ally, but all that hyper cone is convincing them to do is to chug all their  
  
supplies of nachos down their throats.   
  
"I'm a failure, it's gonna take years to bring those Irkens down to the ground!! I need help, and at  
  
least some advice ...I'm just lucky the Irkens left for an emergency meeting with the tallests, they  
  
would've captured me and force me to work a soda-can maker factory!!"  
  
"Aww, there, there!" I patted his back, very smooth and slick, unlike my old back with it's  
  
deformed hump and tangled spine. "Maybe this will get ya going to shoot those freaking green  
  
heads off, just as I get going when I'm with you...."  
  
Lard Nar moved back a bit, almost pushing me out of the way. "Whoa, what did you say?"  
  
I grabbed on to Lard Nar's right wrist, and together we ran to a nearby closet, and I locked the  
  
door shut. The good thing about it is, there were no lights in there, so the more feeling of it  
  
would be somewhat mysterious, yet exciting for the both of us, as I started it off.  
  
"Hey!" I heard Scarlett yell at me, banging on the door. "What are you two doing in there!! You  
  
have no such right, as to throw me, your innocent little laptop, away in the dumps just to hang  
  
out with this guy...."  
  
"Oh, shut up," I spatted to her, I guess I was in some wild, spicy meany mode today. "You hunk  
  
of circuits and potty-mouthing words!! Like shitty-shit fuck-head!!!"  
  
I never really realized how much Vortian love can make so you full of relaxation and so full of  
  
life more than you'll ever experience again.  
  
~ A MONTH LATER ~  
  
I got to know Lard Nar extremely well, and fell a lot more deeper under his spell as the month  
  
went by. We tried to free the Vortians, but the military was just too powerful, and we head to  
  
have the time of our lives that I had wished I had with my other love, Dib: To have the two of us  
  
flying through space on my hover-board as I played my electric guitar.   
  
We hung out together 24/7, and did the most random things. Playing hide and seek at WalMart,  
  
take a showers inside his old shack that he used to stay in, hunt hoguli, and even do the you know  
  
- what- I- mean- you- dope-head in places you'll never imagine. But unlike Dib, Lard Nar just did  
  
not love enough to stay with me forever. He was creeped out by the way I acted around him. Dib  
  
would've done it a gazillion times, but now being Vortian, Lard Nar would take a big step away  
  
from me. He was too concentrated on the Resisty and the war, so I didn't blame him for leaving  
  
me.  
  
"It's too long of a vacation for me! Without my leadership and order, the Resisty goes through  
  
stages of chaos and insanity! Plus I've come up with new plans to get more allies, since  
  
Shloonktapooxis called me earlier today to say that the Meekrob will love to help, but there is an  
  
Irken Invader on Meekrob that they're cautious about."  
  
"Tell them that she's a total wimp, they'll just need to chase her down and held prisoner!" I  
  
laughed just a little, realizing what we were talking about before. "Aren't you gonna take me with  
  
you? After all I've done for you, and to show you either though I'm a different species, I've still  
  
got the same skill of mass destruction, and the spirit for us to win in this war-to-be?!"  
  
And by all the Gods and the Goddesses that ever existed I prayed, hoped and pleaded that he'll  
  
let me by his side, after all the things I can do for his clan, and all the expressions of love I gave  
  
to him. I knew my fresh heart would ache and rot away if he said no, so I was sure by the  
  
author's predictions that he would allow me to come along.  
  
He paused for a moment, thinking and thinking. Sweating and getting shaky, quite nervous, but  
  
still happy to know that a professional was here willing to help him win the war. The wait drove  
  
me out of my mind.   
  
"Uhh......no!" And that was all. Just that answer, rushing to his escape pod, pushing all the  
  
controls at once and flying faster than a speeding bullet out to the vast distance.   
  
---but that doesn't mean that I wasn't gonna stop him for not marrying me, and still not letting me  
  
in his army!! I knew he would need me someday, some one, desperate day in a battle scene, I'll  
  
come and save the day for Lard Nar, and all would be freed!  
  
"Grrrr.....UGH!! I can't believe it!! He doesn't like me back the way I do for him, and after all  
  
those times of making him encouraged to go out an gather an army and fight, He still doesn't  
  
want me!! Oh......when will love relationships work out, anyway?"  
  
I kicked an Irken soda can that layed on the green dirt, and it flew into the Irken enslavery stone  
  
wall, the stone that releases slavery power to all the species on that planet, except for the Irkens.  
  
It's actually a hynotizer machine, and you can never free the slaves on the controled planet unless  
  
you declare independence on it. Or you can malfunction the hypno-rock or bring a fall down to  
  
the Empire controling it, thus the machine will auotmatically explode, and freedors everywhere  
  
will be singing and dancing under the raining of micochips, batteries and swirly thingys.   
  
"Oh my God, look what you have done!!!!" Scarlett shouted, or yelled, possibly a gasp in great  
  
shock?  
  
I did choice B., and the ray enslaved now the Irkens--while Vortians everywhere were dancing  
  
for joy, and throwing confetti all around. Since accidental miracles like this rarely happen the  
  
cheering, dancing, and executions of the slave drivers went on for about a week. It was glorious,  
  
strangely. It was on the local news on every single galaxy, and the Vortians even made invisable  
  
electric barriors arond the whole planet, so no Irkens could attack and re-conquer it.   
  
It was the most famous news of the pre-war yet, but I didn't think Lard Nar would've heard of it,  
  
because what was even more famous than Vort's Victory, was all the battles occurring on every  
  
other planet. Individual species like the Nhar'Ghok and the Planet Jackers also fought Irkens to  
  
death, but it was the Resisty who did the most work. Every time I saw Lard Nar on the 'net news  
  
or on TV, my heart ached for more of the goggled Vortian, and my brain boiled (?) in anger for  
  
the goggled Vortian who also betrayed me. Again!   
  
As the celebration ended, a young red Vortian came up to me with gifts held up in his arms,  
  
almost eager to see me stand here the same spot I've been standing for the past 7 days. "Ma'am,  
  
we have found out recently, that you have caused this wonderful week of our people's victory  
  
against the Irkens!"  
  
"But, it was just an accidental miracle!" I explained, stuttering over confusion and anger because  
  
of the reason I kicked the can in the first place. "Lard Nar the one who deserves to be awarded--"  
  
The Vortian wavered at my face, continuing his speech, "Vortian: Jil, shall be crowned upon,  
  
Queen of the Vortian Kingdom!"  
  
I didn't expect this at all, awards maybe, but not a throne in the beautiful castles of Vort! A very  
  
large and broad crowd of colorful Vortians bowed down to me, worshiping.   
  
"All hail the queen!! Queen Jil! Queen Jil!! Queen Jil!"  
  
Little reddy placed a fancy tiara on top of my head, dusty and very dirty since their last Queen,  
  
Lardlipsika, who got eaten from a giant blob. I just hoped I wouldn't end my life the same as she  
  
did. They also put on me a long cape to match my crown, and a little girl came up to me with a  
  
long golden box, and opened it for me to give me the pointer of power.   
  
It looked like a gold and silver cane, and had detailed designs and carvings on it, to show that I'm  
  
their Queen. But the most amazing thing about it was the round, black mini-bowling ball on top  
  
of the pointer. And this wasn't just for show, from what I've heard, it's actually a snow globe like  
  
cage, that contains inside a very powerful black hole.   
  
As some of the Vortians gave me the tour of the palace, and told me what to do with this magical  
  
black ball on a cane, I've learned about how much power I really had now, though their  
  
government is strictly democratic, and they only need me to make the ultimate decision making,  
  
make Vortians....do stuff and own all the property of Planet Vort, with all the monies in the  
  
world. 


	13. Chapter Five

~ Years Later, in the Vortian Palace of Wisdom ~  
  
Four years now since I've been their queen, but am I happy about all the power I have, the royalty, and all the stuff I can do to punish bad Vortians using the black hole only I have control of? Except for that last one, no, and I kept missing Lard Nar by the day. He should've been ruler, he should've deserved it all, since he did work hard and tried the hardest to free them, yet for me all it took was a grudge and a single kick of a can with the perfect aiming! As I looked myself in the glass chambers every morning and night, I would also think of Dib.  
  
Believe it or not, I still have this achy, love needed feeling for Dib, too. He's sixteen now, probably a lot more taller, handsome and hopefully more understanding of things. I wonder if Zim ruled the Earth yet, and how the war is going on now without me. Since I've become Queen, they only demanded peace and quiet, no one wanted to get more involved with the war, which was called, 'The Irken-Conquest Revolution'. But the declaring of war hasn't been done yet, so for now they're just battling their heads off, and setting up plans.  
  
"Scarlett," I commanded at the tip of my voice, lying idly on the velvet chair as I often do, "Come up upon the balcony with me, would you?" Scarlett was still the same old self, except now she's in a Computer Storage Robot that matched her old laptop home. She flew with her dragonfly wings over to my side.  
  
She walked up to me on her spider legs, clanking and tapping the white and blue marble floor."Yes, my liege?"  
  
I frowned at her use of royalty to me, as if I ruled over her, too!? "Don't call me that, dear old friend, you know me more personally than anyone else here on this planet, no matter what the rumors say!"  
  
"What's wrong now, still miss Lard Nar....and that Dib human also?"  
  
"Bull's eye, Scarlet! Being queen of the second most advanced species in the Universe is doing nothing to help this war! I wanna get right into the battle, with General Lard Nar leading the way! I watch the news everyday on more updates, the Resisty is losing! They couldn't get any more allies up aboard, and now some of them are being captured and have been questioned on Irken trials on Planet Judgementia!"  
  
"What about Dib? You're in contact with him?"  
  
I grieved, regretting myself for forgetting all about him, my first love. " ...No, I hadn't seen his face since I left Earth, but still think of him as much of the day for as much love for him as General Lard Nar."  
  
So you're still in chaos with Cupid, who do you love the more, I can't make the decision, nor anyone or anything else. Pick one of them already, you must admit this can't be a tie vote any longer."   
  
"Life stinks when you have two paths waiting for you to take, but either one is as much joyful or as much horrible as the other! Even if I helped out the Resisty by bringing out an army, would that still make Lard Nar appreciate me? NO! And what if Dib was doing the same thing, so I give him the army. What could he do with it? He doesn't understand war, and the Universe's conditions now as much as myself and you, Scarlet."  
  
"Listen to me!! It's been four and three fourths years now that you keeping moping and keep confusing yourself with other things! We've got all what the Resisty needs, and all you do is Sit and sigh! Sit and sigh!!! Now is the time to make fate's choice for the future life: Go with Lard Nar to fight the Irkens and make him being king of the Vortians, or fly off with Dib to leave on cruising and hitchhiking the stars and planets. Which is it going to be?"   
  
"Uhh......Is there a choice D., All of The Above?!? Heh, heh...."  
  
"Be serious about this! Now you shall make the choice, and that choice will lead you to whatever lies in fate's hands, and don't come blaming me or awarding me for forcing to do this to you!! The choice.....is yours to decide upon."  
  
I thought in my head, mumbling things, but I had a notion that something might work. Well maybe....Could it be the right thing for me? Yeah, yeah! I guess I could do that!!   
  
~ THE NEXT MORNING ~  
  
I got dressed, wearing the usual Vortian uniform, but now a very sparkling, ruby version of my Queen cape, and the crown, which was now machine-polished, and hand-cleaned by the most caring crown-care-takers. The three suns have already risen in the sky since midnight, as they do everyday, unlike Planet Earth. It was a very exquisite day, although because of the engineering companies, the skies and air we breathe have been reduced to staying grayish-black, and smell like the ashes of my burning victims, permanently. Quite sad, for such a peaceful, hard working a spiritual group of civilians.   
  
Scarlett did the honors for this special day by downloading horn blows heard from all over the 12 Regions of Vort. They all came, different heads, skins and clothes of all the colors imagined. They all stood up, gave the proper salute, and cheered on as I walked out of the Wisdom Palace, and stood on the pretty slippery diamond balcony, and waved to everyone there, with the power of my pointer smoking out green, black and purple smoke in the form of two hands and a dove. Very beautiful, indeed!  
  
"Thank you all, for coming!! For the past several years, I've run this small Planet of Vortians, without any harsh, or serious situations going on other than the war for Universal Independence just outside our painfully guarded planet. But, even before I had the remarkable surgery to become one of millions of you, I was always into the heart of getting our freedoms rights officially by slaughtering, and killing the enemy! EU-RRRAH!!!!"  
  
My audience mumbled and whispered to each other in confusion to what I was saying, even the royal aristocrats and my best bud Scarlett felt that something was wrong here. But trust me, from that day and on, I always have known that this is the right decision for me, and possibly others, too.  
  
"And, uh....I...EEEEK!" I tripped, banging my four knees onto the hard marble, than stabbing my hands by holding on to the sharp, pointed edges of the bastion.  
  
"What I'm getting to here is that------I quit being Queen!" I shouted to them all, feeling the intensity to act like a maniac. "So long, suckers! Whoa, whoa!! AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" And so I did, act like a maniac.  
  
Because of the incredibly slippery diamonds I stood on, I tripped, hanging on the bronze handles of the balcony as much as possible, but slipped right under them, and fall over 2,000 feet down, and into the hard, cemented ground. Talk about the ultimate ouch.  
  
"AHHHHHH!!!!!" I scream, then I land, thank god for those Vortians standing below me acting as cushions. "Ow.... That really kills my ass off, man!! Well, at least I magically landed safely without getting injured, so...bye!!"  
  
I threw my robe and my crown out to the crowd, and fought for it like the weasels scramble to get the last drop of cranberry juice in their mouths in the middle of winter. Scarlet flew down to my SAK, hanging off by my shoulder, and crawled in it instantly like a little sneaky spider. I didn't know where to go, so I just ran all over Rubycez, the second most biggest, richest and most populated city on the Planet, losing to Vortica. Which is where I was running up to.  
  
"You dumbass! You can't just leave an entire species alone to let them argue over who'll be the new ruler! It'll be a disaster, all the killing, beatings, destroying of those most elegant castles, and now all of it will be gone because of your stupidest, incorrect selection ever!"  
  
"But hey, you did say the decision is mine and mine only, ain't I right?"  
  
"Ain't--- isn't---a---real word!! Real word! Real word! REAL WORD!!! UGH!! Grrr......!"  
  
"Pfft! Don't you worry or grudge about a thing more, by bestest and most advanced model friend, this will all be for the better, 'cause I've still got THIS, baby! Ha ha ha, HA HA!!!!" In my hands, I led up toward the sun on the northeast, the magical pointer, with its black-hole safe keeping snow globe on top. I may not anything else to prove myself as a ruler, but I still have the punishing powers to send Vortians to black holes, or do something just as worse.  
  
"What the---? JIL!! You took that thing with you!?! God, you are the most beyond idiotic being I've ever met---you don't want to be Queen anymore, but you still want the keep one of the Top Four most powerful weapons in the entire Universe as a souvenir?!"  
  
The word 'souvenir' echoed everywhere, and even though Vortians are a bit weak at hearing, their other senses told them that the pointer was still in the hands of the Quitted Queen of Queer-iness. Hypnotized by the green light reflecting from the black globe, they all came over with arms straight in the air, just like a whole army of zombies.  
  
"We want.....THE POINTER OF POWER!!! POW---ERRRRRRR!!!! Give us the pointer, or suffer the horrible shame in the early future!! WOOOooooOOO!!!"  
  
"Aw, jeez!! I know that I can really stupid and all, but come on! I didn't influence all of you to become dorky zombies when I was in control! And besides, why should I give it to you, when I can just suckl you all out of my life, and into this globe! So, HA, HAAA!!!!"  
  
I expected them to come up with some kind of flaw in my plan so they can beat me in this game, but unfortunately, they were all born in the Dumb ass Generation of stupid-ness such as Mr. Bush, and the Klasky-Csupio Partners in Crime by stupid-flying human crappy spot shows and infants having severe diarrhea.   
  
A Vortian Male spoke up though, trying to threaten me. "Uhhh...Give us the pointer, Or suffer the tug of war for it!!"  
  
"Yeah!" Replied a female. How pitiful, yet humorous! All the hands and arms grabbed the dull end of the pointer, while lucky me got the globe to grasp inside my arms. Being incredibly strong and nuclear in the arms 'cause of my killing labor, it was only a piece of cake to get the pointer back to me.  
  
"All right!! This has gone far enough! I'm opening this globe, and setting it to full power!! Here I go!"  
  
The black bowling ball magically opened itself, but you couldn't really see it move 'cause of all the black.  
  
"Wait a minute!" Interjected the guy who'd spoken before, "If you set to full power, it'll sucked everything in sight inside that little stick! And that includes yourself So, ha! Ha!"  
  
All agreed, and started to cheer it on. They have won now, I had not thought of this earlier, nor would've I remembered this fact for the rest of my life. But, I had the most random, most unfamiliar memory of something I learned back when they told me how to point the holy stick, and it shall now be useful to me. At least, that's what I thought it would be, along with everybody else looking at me, and all you readers who don't care about your permanent eye damage from reading such a long chapter!  
  
"That's where you're wrong, my fellow stranger! Because now I realize that I can always set it on to full power, and----push the reverse button! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! Spitting out every single thing that got stuck in this black hole, will all be out, re-fixing themselves automatically because they're going backward, and destroying the entire city of Rubycez into millions of pieces!"  
  
I laughed such a very Zimmy-laugh, and set my finger to the reverse button, leaning it downward, and-----  
  
"ARRRGH!!!! There's too many of them, there's no chance of winning now!!! retreat!!!!! AHHH!!!!" A voice I heard, but it seemed so loud only to me that I knew exactly where it had came from.  
  
"But what about for the sake of our freedom? Our freedom?!" Another voice replied, Vortian were annoyed by the disturbing pause.  
  
"Sir, the Irkens have stolen all of our weapons, we're doomed like monkey cake!!"  
  
"We must keep going for the sake of-----ARRGHH!!! IT BURRRNS!!!!"  
  
KABOOOM!!!! CRASH! Nuclear implosions arise!!! Evil laughter comes aboard!! Brave soldiers lie dead under black-booted feet. It's doom, MAAAN!!  
  
I turned around to western side of the planet, such as the million others waiting my move did the same. They questioned if this was some kind of party, or worse, the center, most important battle of war. And just as I feared ever so greatly, the battle that my 2nd true love was losing. Shooting laser, explosions and implosions, screams and cannons shooting were the only sounds to listen to during this horrid and curious time period.   
  
"Retreat now!!! There's no point of continuing to fight, the red shirts have got us cornered, right next to death himself!"  
  
"No! I'll find out more weapons and a better strategy, and then we will crush them once again, like little tiny----AHHHH!! Hey!! Help me!! Help meeee!!!!"  
  
"The captain!! He's been captured!!"  
  
"General, you idiot, he's a general now! And why would they capture the general? Isn't that against the rules of war?"  
  
"Irkens always cheat, let's kick their asses, already!!"  
  
"Or we can just sit our asses out, it'll be a lot easier to do now. God, *yawn* I'm sooooo tired!!! I'm taking a nap, goodnight!"   
  
How can we hear such conversations from a planet about 2,900 miles away from us, when Vortians have such bad hearing? That's not important, nor useful information, but the point is that Lard Nar got captured by the enemy, and no one would do anything to get him back, or win the Grand Battle of Doom, which it's now called.  
  
I gasped, turning pale worrying of the doom Lard Nar will enter in. "Lard Nar! He needs me.....shooting out stuff from black holes or not, my love/s will always be #1 on my list...."  
  
Scarlett whispered back to me, "Just fly down there to save the helpless bastard! These Vortians can pick their own Queen themselves!!"  
  
"Oh, right...Ahem....SAYONARA, FUCKERS! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!"  
  
The hover-board came out of my SAK, and put together itself for me and Scarlet to fly on to rescue Lard Nar to win the war. With my fuel refilled, I fly the board about 95 mph, which is a little too fast for an average hover-flyer. I listened t all the screams of death and help from my love, which made my heart sank and break the more I hear it, and found out that this battle was taken place on the rough countryside of Irk, not Meekrob, which I have suspected it to be before. But this will be the first and last battle taken place on Irk, that the Resisty will win.:  
  
"Many the are strong that seek power and few are the spineless seek peace.  
  
A battle shall insure for the greater good.  
  
A battle that shall change the course of the future.  
  
A battle that shall determine whether to be slaves,   
  
Or remain free......."  
  
The crowd was almighty huge, being on the left, and taking up most of the dirty, dark and muddy field are the Irkens with their army shooting cannons from the ground and in their monstrous dark violet tanks, and the armada shooting lasers in the sky, with the huge, red Massive ship behind the miniature red cruisers, which I once called home, blocking out the entire sky and sunlight.  
  
The whole battle was so violent, destructive and just like a boy's night out, that the field was now an oval pit, measuring about 20 feet deep, and that's all there was for the land. No trees, no grass, no ponds or anything like a forest, just one large dirt pit that was, as I said before, 20 feet deep. The Irkens took up most of the crowd, while the larger-than-before but still small Resisty army was on the opposite side of the giant egg print, all trapped between the rocky wall inside, and the Irken soldiers with guns, tanks and cruisers all around them.   
  
"AHHH!!! Somebody rescue me, damn it!!" My Lardy ordered his troops, in his savvy thick British accent, "I don't want have to scream high-pitched to get your attention!!"  
  
"Look!" Scarlett turned me over to the further side of the pit, "There he is!! Those soldiers are taking him to the leading tank!"  
  
"Oh...bullshit." Everyone knows that the leader battle tank in war is where either the sergeant is to rip your guts using his own, mechanically strong hands, or teleporting beam that takes you right up to the execution studio, where the Almighty Tallests are evil enough to give you the most tormenting pains before they kill you, like a cat would play with a grasshopper to flatten it out before eating it. I checked my SAK to choose today's weapon for attack, but for once in my life, I. Had. NO. WEAPONS!!  
  
"....DOUBLE BULLSHIT! I never go anywhere without my scythes, mini-gullotines, butcher knives, guns, swords, daggers, hooks, bombs, poison gases, toasters, paperweight AND my very special erasers! What happened to them all?!"  
  
"Heh, I sorta.... Send them all to the black hole right after you became Queen so that you can rule the planet without going homicidal! Heh, heh." Curse that smart-pants lap top!  
  
"Why you little piece of shit---!!!!"  
  
"Quick! The tank door is opening!" Scarlett interrupted before she would get killed, but it had a good reason behind it.  
  
"EEEK!! Scarlet, keep an eye on the board, and fly it over to me whenever you think I'll need it. You do know how to drive it, right?"  
  
"Simple: Use the processes and concentration of living and/or built mind to operation the Hover-Board's speed, direction, and distance above ground."  
  
"Excellent! I'll be back, don't you worry." I jumped off the board, which was about 30 feet downward, and landed hard, but I on my feet standing on the door of the tank, closing it downward.  
  
"Let go of that ingenious, powerful General/Captain, or it'll be time for me to do this!" I jumped down to the soldiers, and knocked them down by the air-kicks of my flexible legs. Three more came to me with guns, and simply pulled the ends of the guns and stuck them through the cement-like ground, with the Irkens standing on the top end of the guns in the air helplessly.   
  
"Jil! You've came back to rescue me!" My love praised me, I couldn't believe it! "But are you sure you can win this battle on your own---?"  
  
"Wouldn't be a single sweat to me, General!" I kicked an Irken's crotch, just to prove my point. "Get on   
  
my---"Still fighting, I got hold of a gun and shot five Irkens at the same time, 'tis very fun to do!   
  
"---hover-board down there, and command your---" With the same gun I stuck down it through a tall Irken's throat, choking him in seconds. "---men to win this war! URRRRAH!!!"  
  
Scarlett came over with my board, and the General of my most desires jumps on, leading the now-more-encouraged Resisty members to kick some serious Irken ass (crotch is optional). Wearing his Napoleon hat, and stabbing idiotic green heads with his long, skinny sword, he lead on, and the Resisty army started to corner the Irkens at the left side of the huge pit.  
  
"Take that! And that! And you deserve some of this!" I love talking to my victims right before they suffer, "Hey, don't tell me you didn't expect me to get you all next!! Look, stop blocking my way, or do want to lose this war, HA HA!!"  
  
I had gathered more weapons, and even made inventions of murder on my own, from the very guns, laser shooters, and swords taken from every single dead body I've killed and thrown to this heavenly pit of hell. I karate-kicked small and medium fighters, made fried meat from the more taller and stronger soldiers, blasted out tanks with my bombs, and deactivated PAKs of mere drummer smeets and fluters. But I was not the only one doing it all, other members watched me do my combat, and were inspired to do the very same, and soon most of the Resisty army was killing over 1,500 out of 800,000 Irkens, while I myself at least have finished about 2,100 lives. I was still counting though, and Lard Nar urged me that a plan should be made now to get our weapons and soldiers back. It's been 12 hours since the battle originally begun.   
  
"You do it all, Lard Nar! My only purpose here is to slaughter and murder! Slaughter, and MUR-DER!! Have some of the weaker killers do it out, they're probably getting tired all ready, but I've just started!"  
  
"I've recently contacted my most trusted assistant and he'll be over here in his ship soon to help you out, since he's got lasers now programmed. He isn't as good as you are, but he's been awarded Ambassador of Meekrob, and he's been fighting against the Irkens for about 4 years now, so he has some skill. Be good to him, okay? He's a bit young and stupid, but I'm sure he'll truly be a big favor for us to win."  
  
"But I'm---" I stopped myself, shooting pink lasers at some guy. -"-an even bigger favor for you and the Resisty to win, right?" I threw an Irken flag right threw the tiny flag-holder, trying to impress this Vortian as much as possible.   
  
"Yeah, I guess....He should be here soon! Good luck!" He flew off, and I've managed to stab about 9 small soldiers, conquer a tank and hand it over to Shloonktapooxis, to a quadruple air kick with both feet at the same time, knocking out 6 tank drivers that were trying to escape the battle, knock down my first Irken Battle Cruiser with just a hand-made crossbow and help burn two cannons, meting them hot to the sand and dirt.  
  
It was then after the smell of hot tar and black cement had come to air, that the great Ambassador of Meekrob flew down above my head, in a very familiar ship. It was a Spittle Runner, but one I have only seen once before in life, and the one driving it opened up the glass shield, revealing a very tall, about a foot taller than me, boy who looked very pale. He a wore black and blue army suit, along with combat boots that went up to his knees, which I saw bending up inside the tiny ship. His jet-black hair was ragged and down to his shoulders, like a rock-and-roll star. On his head was a helmet, green like my old pants, with slate goggles that were just like Lard Nar's. He dropped his jaw, as did mine, to see that we were both surprised to see each other on the end-or-war battle hole.   
  
Dib?!? What the freaking hell are you doing here? You looked dressed to enter a freak show! Hey.....How did you know it was me!? I'm so different now...." The both of us said, stupidly in a simultaneous way.  
  
We shared our laughs, being so silly in the middle of war, and being happy to meet each other again, and to be so stupid as the both of us to say the same words at the same time.   
  
"Well, it's good to see you again, after such a long separation..." I sighed a bit, I felt so mediocre now that I got to see Dib again.  
  
"You like Lard Nar, don't you?" How de he know??? I wanted to find out, but how am I gonna answer his question without ruining him?  
  
"Uh....Well, hell yes, I do! But the thing is, I've gave up on love itself, now! When I entered this battle, I know now that romance isn't my goal in life, all it does is cause me trouble inside, my true center of my heart is the defeat of the Irken Empire and my murder obsession."  
  
"Oh, so, are you still friends with me....or the both of us? Because Lard Nar's developed a huge crush on you..."  
  
"REALLY?!" I glared, my eyes dancing for joy, but stopped jingling for Dib's sake. "I mean...who cares! The sexual love for somebody can act strange sometimes, can't it?"  
  
"Whoa, you did what---?"  
  
I ignored him to go on with the battle, and killing Irkens and now bringing down the ships with the help of Spleenk and these short, plump little green guys who scream a lot. But that doesn't mean I didn't look at Lard Nar and at Dib the same way I used to. I fly into heaven on angel's wings whenever I daydream of them holding my hand. Sure, I've learned now that all love does now is to block the real picture in my life, and just pulls me over to the path that wasn't supposed to be there for me.   
  
Sure, I can hangout with them and think of them all I want, but violence and Irken surrender is more important to me now. SCREW LOVE! I'll never end the debate of who wins the love contest in my life, and I don't care even if philosophers after I die can't figure it out. It's an unsolved mystery that's better off to be dumped out.   
  
"Yes! We've got weapons and battle mechs loaded, HA HA!!" Captain/General Lard Nar announced to me, I was proud of being part of his war now while it was still going on.  
  
More people left me be to hand-kill the Irken soldiers, as they went off to blast ships and stuff off with their own mechs. I did kill more than before though, and Lard Nar had send the weaker members to distract the Irken guards, and freed all the captured Resisty soldiers, and stole some of the Irken killer stuff for me to use. I thanked them and then they went to steal Irken ships, and started to blow-up all the new battle cruisers and cannon-jets from Hobo 13.   
  
Everyone was breaking the rules of war, but none of cared a bit; It was 1 AM, 2nd day of fighting, it's raining, we can't see where we're shooting, dirt became mud and quicksand in which some Irkens sank in, most of us were drunk from that random 3-hour break we had at midnight, and none of us didn't have the intelligence or sill to act normally in battle.   
  
You could say it was more like a night club than a battle to end the ultimate Universe revolution. But we fought anyway, and about an hour later, we took 6 hour killing-naps, where we all fought, shoot, drove, flew, die, command, trip, sink, drink, gather weapons, get captured, freeing the captured, stealing stuff, digging the pit even deeper while we were asleep. Even though Irkens can't sleep, they were pretty tired and dead-like, so they didn't have more of an advantage.   
  
"Ughhhh.....*snore* take.....whazaa! And......*collapse* Here's a trip you'll--"  
  
"ahhhhhh....!"The irken fainted sinking into a mud puddle.  
  
"*yawn* Never---" I did a slow, weak stab through the Irken's gut "----mmmi...."  
  
Dib lay on the controls, shooting lasers at all sorts of places. "ZZZZZZZZZZZ!!"  
  
"Man, I'm not supposed to ever be this........this.....TI-RRREED!!! Shloonktapooxis complained, "Uh, I give....down.....?"  
  
"Oh, god...I am dying, that I, I, I, I,---"An panicky Invader shrieked.  
  
"Who the fuck cares?" The one known as Invader Kim replied, "Ohhh......uggh..."   
  
Kooch, the worry-wart Invader, collapsed into quicksand, getting stuck down half way.  
  
~ 10 AM, Later that Day ~  
  
Now only 2,000 out of 800,000 Irkens are still living, and the Resisty's allies had came along an hour after our naps were over, and now we had 4,900 soldiers on our side, and now only 2,000 of them were alive. Now, this was an unusual to have the same exact amount of men fighting on each side. Irkens didn't like things being even like this, it didn't make them having the advantage to win, so the Massive landed in the middle of the deep pit. The Almighty Tallests, Red & Purple, stood on the balcony facing every soldier here, the very same one I was on arguing and reasoning with them to give me a new body. But they didn't, so I stuck out my Vortian tongue out at them.   
  
"We're ending this battle officially, and since each side has the same amount of soldiers it is---" Red started.  
  
"Up to you to see whoever gets one more solider for their army, and whoever get him/her first wins the war!" Purple continued, then being bonked on the head by Red's fist. Ha, hah!!!  
  
"So....Good luck! And here, a fresh new soldier for the Irken Empire!" That Red is such a cheater!!  
  
"We.....oww.....rock!" Purple cheered, rubbing the bruise on his forehead. Red threw a table-headed service drone down to the Irkens. This was just one of their schemes of cheating, so I let Dib do the honors.  
  
"Shoot 'm down to the dirt and mud, Dib!"  
  
"Aiming...firing pink laser!" Dib targeted the Irekn, and killed it, imploding him to pieces of squiddly spooch.   
  
Then Purple tossed another one, and Lard Nar threw his sword through her throat, just as her feet touched the ground. They did it again, and again, and again, and again, until everyone of us, except for me, got to sacrifice one life of these Irken servants and lil' weaklings.   
  
"Do we have anyone else left?" I heard Tallest Red whisper. Why do I have such good hearing today?  
  
  
  
"I'm afraid we...don't." Tallest purple mumbled back, starring nervously at the audience, but mostly at me, they seemed to recognized me somehow. "We're the only two on the Massive now! What are we gonna do!?"  
  
"Hey," I yelled back at them, smirking, "I've got a soldier, and she's going on our side!!" Scarlett flew above everyone's heads, and landed in front of Lard Nar, Dib and I. She had been back at Vort settling things there since Lard Nar took control of the board, so it counted.  
  
"NOOO!!!! No fair! No fair it doesn't count!!" Dweebs, those darn tall freaks!  
  
"Oh, shut up, you idiotic dictators!" Lard Nar said to them, laughing for great victory, "The universe shall be now free of your evilness!!"  
  
We all cheered, and caused a very large fire that burned the whole planet up to ashes, never making it exiist again. We all escaped in a series of ships the Meekrob gave us before the Irk was destroyed, and celebrated our victory by having, as I've said before, the ultimate boy's night out. And they were a lot of females too, so it wasn't like no one got left out of seeing the Irkens in their most humiliating state of power: When they lose. To us! We've made a toast on the main, leading ship.....  
  
Lard Nar held up a glass of the most finest wine in the galaxy, tapping it for a grand speech. "To the Resisty, Meekrob, Planet Jackers, Vortians, Humans, Nhar'Ghok and others who supported in this war, I shall now say we have saved the Universe from the Irkens. TO US!"  
  
"TO US! TO US!"  
  
Dib grabbed to my hand, and we celebrated with a victorious kiss, and I crowned Dib to be King of the Vortians, and now everyone else left in their own cruisers and runners, to do their own thing in life or get back to their old life, they way they like it. But me and Lard Nar were staying in the main ship, with Lard Nar steering it, and me playing familiar tunes on the guitar. Also Shloonktapooxis was in the back deck, still drunk from the party.  
  
"You know what, Jil?"  
  
"What? I'm getting older now, and I can feel my old virus coming back to me now, Lard Nar....I think I'm going to die soon. Very soon. What is it you were going to tell me? Say it now, before I have to go."  
  
He was shocked, and seemed to cry when he heard I was dying again. It came back to me after the party, and now I'm always feeling the very, very old self I used to be. My bones were weakening, and I could hardly eat or drink without vomiting to death. I tried to keep that out of mind since I was so happy now in life, but the words spat out me when Lard Nar asked the question. He was also wondering where I was going. But unfortunately, he, Dib or anyone else I knew never found out.  
  
"But...but.. DYING!? Again? I thought the body worked out fine, what happened?"  
  
"Sometimes things in life are not worth and are unanswerable, not very clear to understand, not very clear at all...." I sighed, disappointed I did not give a clear answer to him, it shall remain a mystery forever to him.  
  
I got on my hover-board and opened the door where I would jump off and fly away now, but I thought about what will be my last words to him. "I gotta go, make sure you take care of Scarlet well, I won't need her anymore. And don't come searching for me, I'll be fine on my own."  
  
"WAIT! Before you leave, I wanna answer my question to you. It's important."  
  
"Which is.....?"  
  
When he said it, I left the ship and went far, far away into the Universe where no one would find me. I didn't want that to happen, but because of fate I led myself to an unknown place not any maps at all. I forgotten about Lard Nar's saying, and didn't care of what it meant, but until I got to the mysterious place, I thought about it, and realized he was right, but it would be too late for me too see it happen.  
  
"It's now a Beginning of a freedom," His words stated, repeating forever more within me, "End of an Empire, Jil. Now it truly is." 


	14. Epilogue

Song is owned by Michelle Branch, not me. I don't write songs...

*****

"Ah, here I am! Lying in the so-called 'Center of the Universe' in bed, covering myself with these hideous gray, black and white sheets and killing my head by trying to be comfortable on this solid stone pillow."

Turn, grudge, moan, ache....Sigh...whistle, whistle, whistle....Turn.

"Sorry about that. I'm just so tired now, ever so tired....It's not much of a proper acquaintance to at last meet my audience at this point of my story, but give me a break! The end is crawling up through me, and I just don't know how to react, how to stop it, or even how to cope with the irritating little spider called a publishing deadline!"

Sigh, deep, deep breaths.....

"Here I go on now, dying, screaming, bleeding, suffering ever second closer and closer....I might as well play one last song, to explain it all, my troubles, my life, my parts, my end......Hello, my electric guitar, time to play final tunes from my metal fingers....."

No...Don't just walk away

Pretending everything's ok

and you don't care about me...

Lie...No it's just no use

When all your lies become your truths 

and I don't care...yeah 

Could you look me in the eye

and tell me that you're happy now? 

Would you tell it to my face? 

Or have I been erased?

Are you happy now?

Are you happy now?

You...took all there was to take

and Left me with an empty plate

and You don't care about it

and I...Am giving up this game

and Leaving you with all the blame 

cause I don't care...

Could you look me in the eye

and tell me that you're happy now? 

Would you tell it to my face? 

Or have I been erased?

Are you happy now?

Are you happy now?

Did it really have

Everything you're worth

You can't always give

Something you get 

You can't run away from yourself

Could you look me in the eyes 

and tell me that you're happy now...

Come on tell it to my face

Or have I been erased?

Are you happy now?

Yeah yeah 

Are you happy now?

"Goodbye everybody, *cough, hack* Scarlett, Master Zim, GIR, Dib, Gaz, Lard Nar, The Resisty, those Tallests, Planet Vort, every body and everything I've ever know, or killed, for that matter. I have known now, on my death bed, who my true love is, the one who truly had meant to be my love forever more, and if I could live much longer, I would have stuck on to him, living the perfect life of a peaceful Universe restored, no longer killing as an evil habit or cruel joy but as a way of protection of survival. Viva mi compa±ero de la alma, for the one that was truly set up for me, whether him be Dib or Lard Nar, is....."

Ack, ack, choke, ARRRGGGH!!!!! Stab! Drip, drip, drip.....

"Rest in piece upon thy bed, knife in Vortian hands but with Irken sense and a human mind, will you be see, Jil? Come to soothe me or to kill me? You shall arise to the heavens, love lost-ed, nevermore!"


End file.
